9/23/10 will officially be known as Lobster Day- the day yours truly caught a lobster by himself. 3, in fact. Oh what a joyous day it was! Before that day, I was convinced that I'd never be able to catch one myself. The first time I went was a total shit show. I think I went twice last season, three times at most. Didn't even see a lobster, yet alone catch one. I couldn't even catch a non-moving lobster shell!
I was such a loser that I couldn't even hold my breath long enuff to dive down far enuff to even look for lobsters. I'd just be snorkeling on the surface, hoping a lobster would jump into my noose. I even spent hundreds of dollars buying all this cool gear to use. Obviously, the more expensive the equipment, the better you'll automatically be.
It's definitely not an easy thing to do. You can't use scuba gear, so you hafta rely on a snorkel and being able to hold your breath. Lobsters usually aren't walking around in the open. They're hiding in caves at the bottom of coral reefs. And it's not like they're holed up in every single reef. There's gotta be hundreds of thousands of reefs around Bermuda. First you hafta find the right reef where lobsters are. That alone is hard to do. I've gone days without seeing anything. Then you gotta be able to dive down and find said lobster. Finally, you hafta get your noose behind the lobster's tail, without scaring it off, all the while holding your breath. It's pretty frustrating and scary when you're down in the water and know you're running outta breath.
So before the season started this year, I spent some time in the pool just practicing holding my breath. That and diving. Musta worked cuz I caught 3 lobsters in one day by myself! The first day of the season, Ben and I went out. Ben caught both, but I assisted on one by spotting it. I went for the catch and missed, but scared it off to Ben. So really I didn't catch anything myself. My few attempts we pathetic. Way too rushed. Useless.
Went out once with Victor around my birthday. We weren't out long, but that day I couldn't even seem to hold my breath long enuff to dive down. Pretty much reconfirmed the fact that I suck at lobster diving.
Greg, Coral and Monty arrived back on the 22nd. They wanted to go spear fishing, so I figured I'd bring my lobster gear too. Get some practice in. Wasn't expecting to see anything, definitely not catch anything. I was so sure I wasn't gonna catch anything that I didn't even bring the lobster bag with me. Find a lobster at the first reef we stop at. I'm shocked as hell. I'm actually able to catch it after a couple tries. Score! No lobster bag tho, so I hafta swim with it back to the boat.
These lobster nooses are good for catching but not strong enuff for transport. The lobster will eventually be able to wiggle itself free. You hafta hold onto it with your hand and keep its tail outta the water. Their tails are actually really strong, which I guess would explain why they're so meaty. One flap can send the lobster back 10 yards underwater. So I had my light and pole spear in one hand, lobster up in the air outta the water in the other. The noose is dangling from the lobster's tail.
I get to the boat and throw all the stuff onto the boat. I jump on the boat, only to notice that my lobster noose is nowhere to be found. Holy shit, it musta slipped off the lobster when I was throwing it on the boat! Now it’s prolly down at the bottom of the ocean. Normally, that’d be the end of it. Too bad that thing cost me $80, and I’m a serious cheap ass. So I dive down to just see how deep it might be. Might not be too bad cuz we’re pretty close to a reef. It’s freakin deep. I’m already gasping for air by the time I’m able to kick my way down and see sand. How are you supposed to find a stick on the bottom of an ocean floor?! I seriously felt like I could die down there. But I don’t give up. This is $80 we’re talking about! I spend about 30 minutes just trying to expand my lungs. I dive down a couple more times but can barely even get down to the bottom again, let alone spend time looking around for my noose.
Just when I’m about to give up, the skies part and the sun shines down on me. It felt like God giving me a sign. So I give it one more go. Somehow, someway I’m able to get down to the bottom, look around, find the noose, swim to the noose, grab it and feverishly kick my way back up to the surface. As I’m down in the water looking up, it seriously looks like I’m kicking my way up to heaven. Musta been at least 50 meters deep. I have no idea how I did it.
Anyways, hit up another reef. Find two lobsters in a cave. Again, I don’t bring my lobster bag cuz I’m positive I’m not gonna get lucky again. Catch the first lobster. I get greedy, so I call Greg to come over and hold onto the lobster while I try for the second one. The second lobster is somehow still down there, and I’m somehow able to snag that one as well. Two more lobsters! Greg lets go of the first lobster before I’m able to get a good grip on it. Shit! Serves me right for being greedy. You’re only allowed 2 lobsters anyways.
Since then I’ve been out 3 more times but have only caught 1 more lobster. This last time with Cam and Justin, I actually saw 4 but wasn’t able to get a single one. I actually had one on my noose, but it somehow kicked itself out before I’m able to get my hands on it. It’s actually walking around on the ground, within arms reach, and I’m still not able to get it. Freakin ridiculous. Still, four lobsters is four more than I thought I’d ever get.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Diarrhea of the mouth
I have a history of saying really stupid shit. I'm not talking about offensive or hurtful remarks, which I've done my fair share of. This is more along the lines of saying things that don't really make sense. In my defense, the only conversations I have on a daily basis are with the dogs, and that's not exactly stimulating dialogue.
So today, after a round of golf, I'm walking back to the scooter. The club manager and his wife are sitting on a bench outside the clubhouse. He asks me how I played. This kinda throws me off cuz I'm not expecting to see anyone, let alone talk to anyone. It was kinda an exciting day cuz I had my first birdie, which I mentioned....except the exact words that came out of my mouth were..."Not bad, my first birdie here at Bermuda." AT?! Why would I say "at" instead of "in"?!
I normally have very good grammar, when I'm not talking anyways. Second thing is, it's a par 3 course! I can only imagine what the club manager thought when I walked away. First, that Asian kid is a retarded FOB. Second, I see that kid here playing this course almost every day this summer, yet he only has one birdie...at a par 3?! 18 holes, let's say 2 times a week for 4 months. That's over 500 chances for a birdie. 1 in 500?! I'm never gonna be able to look at that guy again.
This other time, I was filling up the boat at the marina. Sandy's coworker happens to ride by on a boat. Again, I'm not expecting to see anyone. She asks if I was out wakeboarding. My response..."No, trying to spearfish. No such luck." No such luck!? No such luck with what?! How about you talk like a normal human being and formulate a proper sentence. "No luck spearing any fish."
I should seriously take a second and think about what I'm gonna say before I open my mouth. Then I won't sound retarded anymore...it'll just look like I'm slow and retarded.
So today, after a round of golf, I'm walking back to the scooter. The club manager and his wife are sitting on a bench outside the clubhouse. He asks me how I played. This kinda throws me off cuz I'm not expecting to see anyone, let alone talk to anyone. It was kinda an exciting day cuz I had my first birdie, which I mentioned....except the exact words that came out of my mouth were..."Not bad, my first birdie here at Bermuda." AT?! Why would I say "at" instead of "in"?!
I normally have very good grammar, when I'm not talking anyways. Second thing is, it's a par 3 course! I can only imagine what the club manager thought when I walked away. First, that Asian kid is a retarded FOB. Second, I see that kid here playing this course almost every day this summer, yet he only has one birdie...at a par 3?! 18 holes, let's say 2 times a week for 4 months. That's over 500 chances for a birdie. 1 in 500?! I'm never gonna be able to look at that guy again.
This other time, I was filling up the boat at the marina. Sandy's coworker happens to ride by on a boat. Again, I'm not expecting to see anyone. She asks if I was out wakeboarding. My response..."No, trying to spearfish. No such luck." No such luck!? No such luck with what?! How about you talk like a normal human being and formulate a proper sentence. "No luck spearing any fish."
I should seriously take a second and think about what I'm gonna say before I open my mouth. Then I won't sound retarded anymore...it'll just look like I'm slow and retarded.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Good ol summer
As nice as Bermuda is in the winter, it's even better in the summer. If anything, it's getting to be a bit too hot. Temp's in the mid 80's every day, lows in the mid 70's. Humidity right now is at 60% but supposedly it gets up to 90%. That I cannot imagine. Water temperature is 78. Jumping in the water feels super nice. Now I can believe it when they say it gets to be like bath water come July.
Finally tried wakeboarding for the first time two weekends ago. Got up on the 7th try. Was a struggle for a while but did pretty well after that. Just gotta practice going over the wake. I think I tweaked my shoulder from one of the times I couldn't get up and held on to the rope too long while I was being pulled underwater. Couldn't wakeboard last weekend. Sandy was a pro tho. Got up every time after the first weekend.
Been spearfishing too. For whatever reason, this is much easier for me than lobster diving. Prolly cuz you don't hafta hold your breath for nearly as long or dive down deep underwater and look into caves. Speared two small lil fish my first time, another small one the second time before the band broke and bigger fish last Friday. Now it's a matter of finding the big suckers.
Last weekend was a long weekend cuz of National Heroes Day. Spearfishing Friday, where I shot 3 decent-sized fish, but no huge hogfish yet. Took the boat out Saturday and Monday. Had to watch Sandy wakeboard with my bum shoulder. Cool thing is we got to pull up to the beach at the Cambridge Hotel, order food, bring it back to the boat and just eat in the water by the boat.
Also been trying to golf more too. We got a membership at the Fairmont Southampton Princess. It's one of the nicest hotels on the island, and the only par 3 course, which is cool cuz I don't hafta bust out the driver. Yet to shoot under 80 tho. Sandy loves it cuz we get 15% off at all their restaurants. We've been to at least 5 restaurants, and Sandy's golfed zero times.
Finally tried wakeboarding for the first time two weekends ago. Got up on the 7th try. Was a struggle for a while but did pretty well after that. Just gotta practice going over the wake. I think I tweaked my shoulder from one of the times I couldn't get up and held on to the rope too long while I was being pulled underwater. Couldn't wakeboard last weekend. Sandy was a pro tho. Got up every time after the first weekend.
Been spearfishing too. For whatever reason, this is much easier for me than lobster diving. Prolly cuz you don't hafta hold your breath for nearly as long or dive down deep underwater and look into caves. Speared two small lil fish my first time, another small one the second time before the band broke and bigger fish last Friday. Now it's a matter of finding the big suckers.
Last weekend was a long weekend cuz of National Heroes Day. Spearfishing Friday, where I shot 3 decent-sized fish, but no huge hogfish yet. Took the boat out Saturday and Monday. Had to watch Sandy wakeboard with my bum shoulder. Cool thing is we got to pull up to the beach at the Cambridge Hotel, order food, bring it back to the boat and just eat in the water by the boat.
Also been trying to golf more too. We got a membership at the Fairmont Southampton Princess. It's one of the nicest hotels on the island, and the only par 3 course, which is cool cuz I don't hafta bust out the driver. Yet to shoot under 80 tho. Sandy loves it cuz we get 15% off at all their restaurants. We've been to at least 5 restaurants, and Sandy's golfed zero times.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Busy bee
This has been an extremely hectic month. We spent the first weekend in NYC. It was Sandy's post-exam shopping celebration trip. Sandy bought a ton of clothes and shoes while I only bought a sweatshirt (cuz it was freakin freezing that weekend, and I only brought shorts and short-sleeve shirts) and a pair of running shoes. Oh and I finally bought two hats from New Era. Haven't worn them yet, but they're now available. Guess I also bought an iPod Shuffle for working out. Food-wise: first day was Joe's Shanghai with Randy for lunch (yum), ate a large tub of popcorn while watching Iron Man 2 for dinner, watched Wicked again, Korean BBQ as a late-night snack. Sunday was Lombardi's for lunch and Korean BBQ again with Randy for dinner. The best thing about the trip? I discovered that Jamba Juice sells fresh squeezed orange juice in a ginormous cup! Had two in two days. Delicious.
Got home Monday night. That Thursday we welcomed our very first visitors to Bermuda! Amy, Cindy and Howard flew in with tons of food treats...Easy Macs, an entire box of Shin instant noodles, Pocky sticks, etc. Lots of good food and good company. Ate out almost every meal. Beach, golf, BBQ, spa, boat. Good times.
They left on Monday. Victor, Tammy, Kira and Sandy's mom flew in that Friday. Played 18-hole par 3 at the Southampton Princess right before picking them up from the airport. More beach, BBQ and boating. Good family time. Stayed until Thursday.
Last night, while laying in bed, we found a swarm of fleas on Scooby. A while back I noticed black spots in Scooby's fur. I just figured it was dirt cuz he's only had 2 baths in the 6 months we've been here. Didn't think much of it. Turns out they're flea shit! And his entire body was covered in it! We prolly spent around 2 hours going thru his fur looking for fleas. Poms naturally have a lot of fur, and he's never ever had a haircut! Ended up pulling out at least 20 fleas! Disgusting. Rocky was flea-ridden as well.
Went out this morning and bought some flea shampoo and gave both dogs baths before golfing at the Southampton again. Still found at least 10 fleas on Scooby afterward his bath.
So even tho I've been trying to avoid the sun, two straight weeks of taking visitors to the beach and out on the boat, along with 3 rounds of golf has left me pretty damn dark. If Bermudians didn't think I was a restaurant worker before, I'm sure they do now.
Got home Monday night. That Thursday we welcomed our very first visitors to Bermuda! Amy, Cindy and Howard flew in with tons of food treats...Easy Macs, an entire box of Shin instant noodles, Pocky sticks, etc. Lots of good food and good company. Ate out almost every meal. Beach, golf, BBQ, spa, boat. Good times.
They left on Monday. Victor, Tammy, Kira and Sandy's mom flew in that Friday. Played 18-hole par 3 at the Southampton Princess right before picking them up from the airport. More beach, BBQ and boating. Good family time. Stayed until Thursday.
Last night, while laying in bed, we found a swarm of fleas on Scooby. A while back I noticed black spots in Scooby's fur. I just figured it was dirt cuz he's only had 2 baths in the 6 months we've been here. Didn't think much of it. Turns out they're flea shit! And his entire body was covered in it! We prolly spent around 2 hours going thru his fur looking for fleas. Poms naturally have a lot of fur, and he's never ever had a haircut! Ended up pulling out at least 20 fleas! Disgusting. Rocky was flea-ridden as well.
Went out this morning and bought some flea shampoo and gave both dogs baths before golfing at the Southampton again. Still found at least 10 fleas on Scooby afterward his bath.
So even tho I've been trying to avoid the sun, two straight weeks of taking visitors to the beach and out on the boat, along with 3 rounds of golf has left me pretty damn dark. If Bermudians didn't think I was a restaurant worker before, I'm sure they do now.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Murderer
So it took me two hours to cook my slippery dick. Yes, it is the actual name of the fish:
http://readmore-webphemera.blogspot.com/2008/10/could-you-handle-slippery-dick.html
After my last blog, I went into the kitchen. To my horror, I find the slippery dick still pulsing. Its poor gills are still going up and down, ever so slowly, gasping for air. It had to have been out of water for at least 30 minutes! How's it still alive?! So I'm standing over it, just staring at it, trying to figure out what to do. I could throw it back in the water, but I'd hafta get the hook out first. Yes, the hook is still in its mouth. So I try holding the fish down with the soap dispenser in my left hand and prying the hook out with the fish pliers with my right hand. Freakin slippery dick jumps up in the air and scares the shit out of me! "FUCKING FISH!" (Yes, I actually screamed this out loud)
I stare at my slippery dick for a couple minutes, trying to catch my breath. This goes on another two or three times, freaking out just the same after each time. What the hell am I gonna do? I can't drown the damn thing. I can't throw it in the microwave with a metal hook in its mouth. I could boil it, but that'd take too long. Plus the water might give it more life, boiling or not.
I decide I need something bigger, heavier and wider to hold this slippery dick down. I grab a pot. I don't think it's enough. I need to pull out the big guns to tame this big ol 9" slippery dick. Yup, I measured it with a ruler...the fish...today. I go grab my iPod and blast my workout playlist to pump me up for the kill. Damn fish still won't hold still. It truly is a slippery dick. So what do I do? I'm so pissed that it keeps jumping up and scaring the shit out of me that I beat it with the pot.
The fish starts to fucking twitch! It's just like in the movies where the guy's leg starts twitching after being clubbed in the head with a bat! But the gills are still moving. This slippery dick is indestructible. I consider myself quite the pansy when it comes to killing things. I blame it on my Buddhist parents. I get chills as soon as I start to raise the pot for the strike and am overwhelmed with guilt when I make contact...kinda like I'm gettin beaten over with guilt, if you will. Again, takes me a couple minutes to recover. In the meantime, I'm just staring at my slippery dick, amazed at its determination not to go down.
Let's do a Lost-style flashback. I'm maybe 5 or 6 years old. I'm at a Chinese grocery store in Houston with my parents. They go to the seafood section and pick out a fish from the tank. The guy behind the counter scoops it out, throws it on the floor and proceeds to beat it with a baseball bat. No joke. The fish is flapping around on the floor while this Chinaman's wacking it with a bat. My parents are absolutely appalled. They hafta take the fish cuz it already got the shit beat out of it. As they're walking away, they both say how terrible that was and how they're never getting fish from there again. Here I am, 25 years later, doing the exact same thing.
I musta beat my slippery dick at least ten times. Finally, it looks like it goes limp. Time to descale this sucker. Still, even in death, the slippery dick is a slippery lil sucker. I can't hold onto it. I try using the pliers, but I can't seem to get a grip with that either. I get the brilliant idea to boil the slipperiness off it. Freakin fish starts to curl up. I freak out, thinking the boiling water brought it to life and I'm torturing this poor animal to a whole new level. That or the boiling water is giving it super powers, and it's gonna jump outta the pot and eat me alive. Nope, gills aren't moving.
Anyways, long story less long, I'm able to descale it and cook it. What few pieces of meat I'm able to get off my 9 inch slippery dick taste pretty damn good. Was it worth all the trouble and stress and surely negative karma? Prolly not. But good experience, I guess. Looking back, it was so small that I prolly shoulda just thrown it back. Oh well.
Sandy comes home, takes one look at my slippery dick and starts laughing at its size. "That's the smallest **** I've ever seen in my life!"
http://readmore-webphemera.blogspot.com/2008/10/could-you-handle-slippery-dick.html
After my last blog, I went into the kitchen. To my horror, I find the slippery dick still pulsing. Its poor gills are still going up and down, ever so slowly, gasping for air. It had to have been out of water for at least 30 minutes! How's it still alive?! So I'm standing over it, just staring at it, trying to figure out what to do. I could throw it back in the water, but I'd hafta get the hook out first. Yes, the hook is still in its mouth. So I try holding the fish down with the soap dispenser in my left hand and prying the hook out with the fish pliers with my right hand. Freakin slippery dick jumps up in the air and scares the shit out of me! "FUCKING FISH!" (Yes, I actually screamed this out loud)
I stare at my slippery dick for a couple minutes, trying to catch my breath. This goes on another two or three times, freaking out just the same after each time. What the hell am I gonna do? I can't drown the damn thing. I can't throw it in the microwave with a metal hook in its mouth. I could boil it, but that'd take too long. Plus the water might give it more life, boiling or not.
I decide I need something bigger, heavier and wider to hold this slippery dick down. I grab a pot. I don't think it's enough. I need to pull out the big guns to tame this big ol 9" slippery dick. Yup, I measured it with a ruler...the fish...today. I go grab my iPod and blast my workout playlist to pump me up for the kill. Damn fish still won't hold still. It truly is a slippery dick. So what do I do? I'm so pissed that it keeps jumping up and scaring the shit out of me that I beat it with the pot.
The fish starts to fucking twitch! It's just like in the movies where the guy's leg starts twitching after being clubbed in the head with a bat! But the gills are still moving. This slippery dick is indestructible. I consider myself quite the pansy when it comes to killing things. I blame it on my Buddhist parents. I get chills as soon as I start to raise the pot for the strike and am overwhelmed with guilt when I make contact...kinda like I'm gettin beaten over with guilt, if you will. Again, takes me a couple minutes to recover. In the meantime, I'm just staring at my slippery dick, amazed at its determination not to go down.
Let's do a Lost-style flashback. I'm maybe 5 or 6 years old. I'm at a Chinese grocery store in Houston with my parents. They go to the seafood section and pick out a fish from the tank. The guy behind the counter scoops it out, throws it on the floor and proceeds to beat it with a baseball bat. No joke. The fish is flapping around on the floor while this Chinaman's wacking it with a bat. My parents are absolutely appalled. They hafta take the fish cuz it already got the shit beat out of it. As they're walking away, they both say how terrible that was and how they're never getting fish from there again. Here I am, 25 years later, doing the exact same thing.
I musta beat my slippery dick at least ten times. Finally, it looks like it goes limp. Time to descale this sucker. Still, even in death, the slippery dick is a slippery lil sucker. I can't hold onto it. I try using the pliers, but I can't seem to get a grip with that either. I get the brilliant idea to boil the slipperiness off it. Freakin fish starts to curl up. I freak out, thinking the boiling water brought it to life and I'm torturing this poor animal to a whole new level. That or the boiling water is giving it super powers, and it's gonna jump outta the pot and eat me alive. Nope, gills aren't moving.
Anyways, long story less long, I'm able to descale it and cook it. What few pieces of meat I'm able to get off my 9 inch slippery dick taste pretty damn good. Was it worth all the trouble and stress and surely negative karma? Prolly not. But good experience, I guess. Looking back, it was so small that I prolly shoulda just thrown it back. Oh well.
Sandy comes home, takes one look at my slippery dick and starts laughing at its size. "That's the smallest **** I've ever seen in my life!"
Fish, the other other white meat
Ever since I found out we were moving to Bermuda, I've thought about fishing. Tried buying a rod at Outdoor World the last day the movers were at our house in Bolingbrook, but they didn't sell saltwater stuff. Didn't buy a rod the first five months we were here cuz they seemed a lil expensive, and I'm against supporting Bermuda businesses. Weird thing is I don't even like fishing. I think my mom's whole "it's cruel to the fish" thing rubbed off on me. Saddest part is I used to go with Randy and his dad, and they bought me a tackle box and some fishing stuff for my 13th birthday. I kept it all the way up until June of last year. Cam ended up selling it at the garage sale when we were clearing out my mom's place for the renters. I kept it for over 17 years and then got rid of it 4 months before I actually needed it!
I tried fishing with Ben's gear about a month ago. I see all these fish just swimming off our pier. Figured I could catch a ton of fish. It'd be like "shooting fish from a barrel" rite? Wrong. You know why your parents used to always tell you to eat fish if you wanna be smart? Cuz fish are smart! Those damn fish would just nibble away at the squid off my hook. Ate an entire squid without touching my hook. Didn't catch jack.
Anyways, finally ordered a saltwater rod from Outdoor World and had it shipped to Chicago. Bought a ton of other gear from their store in Bolingbrook and brought it all back with me. Basically told a sales guy I knew absolutely nothing about fishing and asked him to help me pick out the right stuff. So today I decide to go back out on the pier with my own tools and have another go at it. Didn't use the rod, just the extra spindle line thing I bought and threw a sinker and hook on it. Don't even know how to properly tie that stuff on.
First couple attempts ended up same as before. Fish would just nibble away at the squid and avoid the hook. But then, on my third or fourth try, got a bite from one of the bigger fish. And it stayed on the hook! I excitedly pull it up. It's an ugly ass looking fish. Green with red horizontal stripes. Small sucker too. Barely a foot long, if even. Actually started to put it back in the water but then decided not to. It's my first fish! I've been dying to cook fish ever since Taiwan. Got a buncha recipes but no fish to cook with. And I was determined to cook fish I caught on my own.
So now I'm here, sitting in the den, writing this blog while dinner sits in the kitchen sink. Now I remember why I don't like fishing. You kill an animal. They're easy enough to catch and plenty easy to eat, but what about all that's in between! How am I gonna prep this thing?! I think I hafta scale it, which means I hafta touch it! It's eyes will be staring up at me..."why did you kill me, Jim? I'm not even big enough for an appetizer. I had a family. I had my whole life ahead of me." And it's freaking ugly! It's like an alien fish. I don't even think I can bring myself to eat it after it's cooked. It'll be like trying to eat frog legs. How do you even scale a fish!?
It's kinda like those movies where the guy's supposed to kill someone, but he ends up meeting him and hanging out with him and ends up liking him. It ends up being a conflict of interest. He can't do it anymore. There's this bond. The fish and I have a bond. I took it's life. Am I gonna be an even bigger dick and eat him now? Wouldn't it be worse if I don't eat it? Ugh. FML.
So now I'm just dragging out this post, trying to delay the day when I hafta go into that damn kitchen and look into the eyes of the fish who's life I took for my own pleasure. WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?!
[edit] Sandy asked around. Apparently the fish I caught is called a slippery dick fish. No joke. Figures.
I tried fishing with Ben's gear about a month ago. I see all these fish just swimming off our pier. Figured I could catch a ton of fish. It'd be like "shooting fish from a barrel" rite? Wrong. You know why your parents used to always tell you to eat fish if you wanna be smart? Cuz fish are smart! Those damn fish would just nibble away at the squid off my hook. Ate an entire squid without touching my hook. Didn't catch jack.
Anyways, finally ordered a saltwater rod from Outdoor World and had it shipped to Chicago. Bought a ton of other gear from their store in Bolingbrook and brought it all back with me. Basically told a sales guy I knew absolutely nothing about fishing and asked him to help me pick out the right stuff. So today I decide to go back out on the pier with my own tools and have another go at it. Didn't use the rod, just the extra spindle line thing I bought and threw a sinker and hook on it. Don't even know how to properly tie that stuff on.
First couple attempts ended up same as before. Fish would just nibble away at the squid and avoid the hook. But then, on my third or fourth try, got a bite from one of the bigger fish. And it stayed on the hook! I excitedly pull it up. It's an ugly ass looking fish. Green with red horizontal stripes. Small sucker too. Barely a foot long, if even. Actually started to put it back in the water but then decided not to. It's my first fish! I've been dying to cook fish ever since Taiwan. Got a buncha recipes but no fish to cook with. And I was determined to cook fish I caught on my own.
So now I'm here, sitting in the den, writing this blog while dinner sits in the kitchen sink. Now I remember why I don't like fishing. You kill an animal. They're easy enough to catch and plenty easy to eat, but what about all that's in between! How am I gonna prep this thing?! I think I hafta scale it, which means I hafta touch it! It's eyes will be staring up at me..."why did you kill me, Jim? I'm not even big enough for an appetizer. I had a family. I had my whole life ahead of me." And it's freaking ugly! It's like an alien fish. I don't even think I can bring myself to eat it after it's cooked. It'll be like trying to eat frog legs. How do you even scale a fish!?
It's kinda like those movies where the guy's supposed to kill someone, but he ends up meeting him and hanging out with him and ends up liking him. It ends up being a conflict of interest. He can't do it anymore. There's this bond. The fish and I have a bond. I took it's life. Am I gonna be an even bigger dick and eat him now? Wouldn't it be worse if I don't eat it? Ugh. FML.
So now I'm just dragging out this post, trying to delay the day when I hafta go into that damn kitchen and look into the eyes of the fish who's life I took for my own pleasure. WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?!
[edit] Sandy asked around. Apparently the fish I caught is called a slippery dick fish. No joke. Figures.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Back to the Chi
Would you spell it "Chi" or "Shy"? Cuz that really just sounds like tai chi. Anyways, flew back out to Chicago last Thursday. Was supposed to go the weekend before with Sandy, but she ended up having to work and I stayed around to spend our 4 (?) year anniversary together. We went to this nice place on the island called The Waterlot. Ribeye was pretty good, but the two orders of foie gras was even better.
Anyways, plan was to just cancel the trip altogether, but after a couple days I realized I wanted to go back and hang out with my boo. Plus, we had ordered a buncha stuff, so I might as well go and pick them up. And I had already made a big ol shopping list. You know you're an official House Husband when you fly back to the states to go on shopping trips. All I need now is a manpurse. So booked a last-minute trip. Layover was in Newark, which wasn't all that bad cuz I got to eat a double filet o' fish w/ extra tartar sauce. My boo picked me up from the airport and we proceeded straight to Hooters! Crazy ass waitress tells us they're out of wings. I seriously almost started crying. I was too shocked and sad to even get upset. I figured she was joking at first, but she kept it up for quite a while. Thank all that is good and true in the world that she was joking.
Ate breakfast by myself Friday at Bongo Room. Eating by yourself blows. Couldn't even play with my iPhone. Pancakes were good but not worth the humiliation of eating by yourself. Orange juice wasn't even fresh! Drove out to Bolingbrook to make sure I could open up the storage unit so I could go buy some LEGOs. Last time we were in Chicago before Taiwan, I bought all these LEGOs only to find out that the lock wouldn't open. Had to return em all. :( Met up with Grant and Bob at Kampai for lunch. Did a ton of shopping. All you can eat Korean BBQ for dinner with the boys. Then some poker to round out the night.
Saturday was more chill. Brunch at Walker Bros. Dinner at Ruth's Chris. Had the most delicious cowboy ribeye. AMAZING. Great recommendation. Haven't had steak other than at Wildfire in a long time. Then went to Ginseng of all places to meet up with Andy and Will. You know you're a friend when I'm willing to go to a freaking Ginseng club to meet up with you.
Met up with Will and Andy for Dim sum at Furama. Then more shopping. Capped off the trip with three slices of Lou Malnati's deep dish. Only slept about an hour that last night cuz my flight was at 7AM, and me and the mister wanted to get a couple more hours of CoD in.
You know you're getting old when you can't play video games all night anymore. Back in college, we'd play Starcraft the entire night and into the next day, go to class, play more Starcraft, play some basketball and eat and then pull another Starcraft all-nighter. Those were the days.
Stomach felt off all night. I'm pretty sure my stomach wasn't used to all that cheese. Worst part is I couldn't even poop. Tried a buncha times cuz I knew I was gonna be on a plane all day and stuck with nasty airport bathrooms. Flight to Newark was brutal. Spent THE ENTIRE layover in the bathroom unloading while listening to my iPhone and breathing thru my shirt. How can the Japanese have such immaculate bathrooms while all the ones in the states make you want to vomit?! When I tried to get up after the first round, I almost fell back into my own shit cuz my entire lower half was asleep. I basically just stood there in the stall for like five minutes while I let the blood flow back thru my feet and legs. Walked around for a lil bit then went back for round two cuz my stomach still hated me.
Felt better after the second exodus, so I wisely decided to celebrate. You spend the entire day in pain cuz your stomach hurts from eating too much nasty, greasy food all weekend. You finally start to feel better, so what do you do? Go eat another double filet o' fish with extra tartar sauce. Duh. Yes, I know. I'm a genius. Stomach wanted to thank me for being such a moron by making the flight to Bermuda absolute hell. I spent the rest of the night back on the island eating week old french bread. Stomach's just now starting to feel normal.
Came back with 90 lbs. worth of goodies, 5 of which are hanging over my belt. Big thanks to the Suhs for being the best hosts ever. It was good seeing the few ppl I got to see.
Anyways, plan was to just cancel the trip altogether, but after a couple days I realized I wanted to go back and hang out with my boo. Plus, we had ordered a buncha stuff, so I might as well go and pick them up. And I had already made a big ol shopping list. You know you're an official House Husband when you fly back to the states to go on shopping trips. All I need now is a manpurse. So booked a last-minute trip. Layover was in Newark, which wasn't all that bad cuz I got to eat a double filet o' fish w/ extra tartar sauce. My boo picked me up from the airport and we proceeded straight to Hooters! Crazy ass waitress tells us they're out of wings. I seriously almost started crying. I was too shocked and sad to even get upset. I figured she was joking at first, but she kept it up for quite a while. Thank all that is good and true in the world that she was joking.
Ate breakfast by myself Friday at Bongo Room. Eating by yourself blows. Couldn't even play with my iPhone. Pancakes were good but not worth the humiliation of eating by yourself. Orange juice wasn't even fresh! Drove out to Bolingbrook to make sure I could open up the storage unit so I could go buy some LEGOs. Last time we were in Chicago before Taiwan, I bought all these LEGOs only to find out that the lock wouldn't open. Had to return em all. :( Met up with Grant and Bob at Kampai for lunch. Did a ton of shopping. All you can eat Korean BBQ for dinner with the boys. Then some poker to round out the night.
Saturday was more chill. Brunch at Walker Bros. Dinner at Ruth's Chris. Had the most delicious cowboy ribeye. AMAZING. Great recommendation. Haven't had steak other than at Wildfire in a long time. Then went to Ginseng of all places to meet up with Andy and Will. You know you're a friend when I'm willing to go to a freaking Ginseng club to meet up with you.
Met up with Will and Andy for Dim sum at Furama. Then more shopping. Capped off the trip with three slices of Lou Malnati's deep dish. Only slept about an hour that last night cuz my flight was at 7AM, and me and the mister wanted to get a couple more hours of CoD in.
You know you're getting old when you can't play video games all night anymore. Back in college, we'd play Starcraft the entire night and into the next day, go to class, play more Starcraft, play some basketball and eat and then pull another Starcraft all-nighter. Those were the days.
Stomach felt off all night. I'm pretty sure my stomach wasn't used to all that cheese. Worst part is I couldn't even poop. Tried a buncha times cuz I knew I was gonna be on a plane all day and stuck with nasty airport bathrooms. Flight to Newark was brutal. Spent THE ENTIRE layover in the bathroom unloading while listening to my iPhone and breathing thru my shirt. How can the Japanese have such immaculate bathrooms while all the ones in the states make you want to vomit?! When I tried to get up after the first round, I almost fell back into my own shit cuz my entire lower half was asleep. I basically just stood there in the stall for like five minutes while I let the blood flow back thru my feet and legs. Walked around for a lil bit then went back for round two cuz my stomach still hated me.
Felt better after the second exodus, so I wisely decided to celebrate. You spend the entire day in pain cuz your stomach hurts from eating too much nasty, greasy food all weekend. You finally start to feel better, so what do you do? Go eat another double filet o' fish with extra tartar sauce. Duh. Yes, I know. I'm a genius. Stomach wanted to thank me for being such a moron by making the flight to Bermuda absolute hell. I spent the rest of the night back on the island eating week old french bread. Stomach's just now starting to feel normal.
Came back with 90 lbs. worth of goodies, 5 of which are hanging over my belt. Big thanks to the Suhs for being the best hosts ever. It was good seeing the few ppl I got to see.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Titanic
I have not had a Bermudian idiot moment in a while. I did not want to disappoint my two readers. Lucky for them, I'm still an idiot. So two weekends ago, Sandy had a big ol BBQ. She woke up bright and early that Saturday morning and went to the store. Normally we'd want me shopping with her, but I guess this time she didn't want me nagging her about her $700 in groceries. Yes, the prices are outrageous, but I guess there's still 15 quarter-pound hamburger patties and a buncha hot dogs still sitting in our freezer. This after we ate BBQ leftovers for lunch and dinner all last week. Anyways, it was a success. I think around 15 ppl showed up, including Ben and Smita's friends from the states.
So the next day, we offer to take them out on our boat, show them the island. Sandy packs a big ol bag full of drinks and snacks. Hop on the scooter down to the marina. I go grab the boat. Only problem is our kayak is missing. Someone stole our kayak! I didn't bother tying it up cuz none of the other punts were and every one's always saying how there's no theft in Bermuda! Stupid me actually believed it. Can't really say anything cuz it's not even like it's our kayak.
So I had to "borrow" someone else's punt to get out to the boat. I lift part of the back cover and get in the boat. Half my calf is greeted by cold water. Freakin back of the boat is filled with water. Back of the boat also happens to be where the batteries and all the electrical is. For some reason, I still thought the boat would start. Nope. Looking back, I guess I'm lucky I didn't shock myself to death like those "hairdryer in the tub" movie scenes.
Take the punt back to the dock to tell Sandy our boat is kaputz. She calls B&S to break the bad news. We ask one of the attendants if he's got any buckets to help us get water out of our stupid boat. He ends up dumping out one of those motor oil bottles and cuts the top off. Sandy and I row back out to the boat where I spent the next couple hours removing water from our boat, a couple ounces at a time. Sandy spent that time working on her tan. That and she'd wave at all the people and their dumbfounded looks as they passed by us in their dry boats. Not embarassing at all. I'm sure all the marina people got a kick out of it too. "Look, that idiot that was pulling his boat in the water's now dumping water out of his boat."
So apparently our bilge pump wasn't working properly. And the front cover of our boat ripped, so rain would come in through the front of our boat and accumulate. Sad part is I meant to check on the boat the week before we left for Taiwan, but of course I didn't cuz I was too busy doing shit. Then when I came back from Taiwan after having been gone for almost a month, I was going to check on the boat. Again, I didn't cuz I was too busy doing more shit. So the boat basically went unattended for almost two months. Had I stopped by to check on the boat once during that period of time, who knows, all of this may have been avoided. Lady at the marina said the noticed the front cover flapping around for at least a week and saw the boat getting lower and lower every day. Too bad it didn't just sink.
It's getting fixed now and should be done this week. I spent today applying two coats of wax to the sides of the boat. These two guys that are at the marina a lot stopped by to comment on what a good job I was doing and how shiny the boat looked. Then they recognized me and called me "the swimmer". I am known as the fucking swimmer. Sweet. I am famous.
So the next day, we offer to take them out on our boat, show them the island. Sandy packs a big ol bag full of drinks and snacks. Hop on the scooter down to the marina. I go grab the boat. Only problem is our kayak is missing. Someone stole our kayak! I didn't bother tying it up cuz none of the other punts were and every one's always saying how there's no theft in Bermuda! Stupid me actually believed it. Can't really say anything cuz it's not even like it's our kayak.
So I had to "borrow" someone else's punt to get out to the boat. I lift part of the back cover and get in the boat. Half my calf is greeted by cold water. Freakin back of the boat is filled with water. Back of the boat also happens to be where the batteries and all the electrical is. For some reason, I still thought the boat would start. Nope. Looking back, I guess I'm lucky I didn't shock myself to death like those "hairdryer in the tub" movie scenes.
Take the punt back to the dock to tell Sandy our boat is kaputz. She calls B&S to break the bad news. We ask one of the attendants if he's got any buckets to help us get water out of our stupid boat. He ends up dumping out one of those motor oil bottles and cuts the top off. Sandy and I row back out to the boat where I spent the next couple hours removing water from our boat, a couple ounces at a time. Sandy spent that time working on her tan. That and she'd wave at all the people and their dumbfounded looks as they passed by us in their dry boats. Not embarassing at all. I'm sure all the marina people got a kick out of it too. "Look, that idiot that was pulling his boat in the water's now dumping water out of his boat."
So apparently our bilge pump wasn't working properly. And the front cover of our boat ripped, so rain would come in through the front of our boat and accumulate. Sad part is I meant to check on the boat the week before we left for Taiwan, but of course I didn't cuz I was too busy doing shit. Then when I came back from Taiwan after having been gone for almost a month, I was going to check on the boat. Again, I didn't cuz I was too busy doing more shit. So the boat basically went unattended for almost two months. Had I stopped by to check on the boat once during that period of time, who knows, all of this may have been avoided. Lady at the marina said the noticed the front cover flapping around for at least a week and saw the boat getting lower and lower every day. Too bad it didn't just sink.
It's getting fixed now and should be done this week. I spent today applying two coats of wax to the sides of the boat. These two guys that are at the marina a lot stopped by to comment on what a good job I was doing and how shiny the boat looked. Then they recognized me and called me "the swimmer". I am known as the fucking swimmer. Sweet. I am famous.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Bermuda ain't got nothin on Chicago
I'm not talking about weather here, though we did play tennis outside yesterday. No, I'm talking about corruption. My mom used to tell me stories about the old president of Taiwan and how he stole hundreds of millions of dollars while in office, still got re-elected and was loved by half the country. It was almost unbelievable. How could people do stuff like this and get away with it? Even Blagojevich was re-elected. This stuff should only happen in places like China, North Korea and the other non-democratic countries. People have voices!
Well, apparently this stuff happens every day here in Bermuda. Crime has been on the rise in the last couple of decades. People here talk about how the island used to be so safe, people would leave their doors open at night, feel free to walk around after dark, there were no guns, no shootings, no murders. Now there's like a shooting almost every week. The funny thing is that guns are illegal on the island, yet people still manage to get their hands on them.
Once in a while, the cops will actually arrest someone for these crimes (Apparently it's hard to make an arrest when the guy you're trying to catch is shooting at you but you don't have a gun to shoot back with!) Convicting them is another thing. Since the island is so small and every one knows each other, more often than not the jury consists of your friends, neighbors and relatives. So you're not going to throw your brother or cousin or father-in-law or neighbor's nephew in prison. I'm not even joking. Someone on that jury will know you somehow. Whenever we're on a flight to Bermuda, it's like that scene in Die Harder where the two groups of soldiers are on the plane talking to each other and having a party (guess what movie I watched in Breckenridge while Sandy and Co. boarded that second day). It's like playing that Kevin Bacon game. There's prolly at most 3 degrees between any two people on the island. Side note: I should conduct a study.
The sad thing is that every one already knows this! The latest murder trial was at a college party by the beach. One guy took another guy's chain. Guy tried to get it back but gets stabbed in the chest with a knife three times. Thief's friends come and stab him some more with a screwdriver and hit him with a bat. Guy dies. At the end of the trial, the jury acquits him of murder and only charges him with manslaughter. The reasoning? "Whereas murder is defined as intent to kill someone or cause them grievous bodily harm, manslaughter is an unlawful act which causes a victim's death."
Wow. What do you think will happen when you stab someone in the fucking heart with a knife three times?! Even if you don't intend to kill him, surely you intent to cause them some bodily harm, no? I think getting stabbed in the heart would cause a lil pain, a lil harmful. I've never had it happen before, so I can't really say for sure. Maybe that's what his jury pals were thinking. Or they were influenced by the defendant's six witness friends who said he didn't do it. Unbelievable. When I think of manslaughter, I think of accidentally hitting someone with a car. Key word is accident. I don't think you can accidentally stab someone in the heart three times. "Dood, I was just holding my knife out, showing my friends, when the guy ran into it three times."
Speaking of car accidents, there was a trial for one of those this week too. This one though involved an expat from the UK working here as a truck driver. He was driving a truck when he hit an oncoming car. That car burst into flames, killing the driver. The two passengers were able to get out beforehand. Some nice tidbits: 1) the truck driver was only licensed to drive a small truck, but the truck he was driving was a big rig. 2) forensic evidence shows the truck was in the wrong lane 3) the truck driver and his passenger fled the scene 4) the guy that died was Bermudian, killed by a non-Bermudian 5) the truck driver was found to be more than twice the drink-drive limit 6) and here's the kicker, the driver also had cocaine in his system. Sweet! I'm no lawyer, but that looks to be some pretty bad mojo against you.
Just listening to the details, that's at least gotta be manslaughter rite? Guess what's happening to the guy? He gets to go back to the UK! After originally being convicted, they went back and threw out the case cuz the judge incorrectly directed the jury on how to weigh the evidence in the case: "the judge wrongly equated dangerous driving with careless driving, when they are different things in law...dangerous driving means someone must be guilty of a "marked departure" from the normal standard of driving...Armstrong was not guilty of that, since he was only guilty of a "momentary lapse" at worst, as there was no evidence his manner of driving was dangerous in the run up to the collision."
"Momentary lapse"?! Are you referring to the moment his truck slammed into the car head-on...as opposed to the moments he drank and snorted coke and got into a truck and started the truck and drove the truck for however long? Seems like a lot of moments. Yeah, his driving wasn't dangerous. It was only dangerous during and after the collision. The rest of his driving was perfectly safe. It would have been OK for him to drive had he not killed someone.
Holy shmoly. Looks like they found another loophole. I dunno. When I think of careless driving, I think of talking or texting on a cellphone or eating while driving. Or playing with your radio. Or smacking your kid around. Getting behind the wheel after drinking more than 5 beers AND snorting a couple lines of coke is a lil more than careless. I consider having both alcohol and cocaine in your system to be a "marked departure" from the normal standard of living, let alone driving. This guy must have super powers. Most mortal men would be a lil affected by 5+ beers and cocaine. Most people prolly couldn't walk or talk straight, let alone drive a big ol truck. I guess that's why they brought this superhuman over to drive a truck. Wait, isn't cocaine an illegal drug?! Or maybe I'm just a tight-ass.
Looking at all the facts of the case, I coulda sworn this guy would get screwed. Bermudians hate expats on the island and here you are killing one! It's not even like he was an executive or something with power or connections. He was here as a truck driver (why you'd need to bring in a foreigner to drive a truck is beyond me. You really couldn't find someone on the island qualified to drive?!) The taxi driver I hit was pissed cuz I was on the wrong side of the road, and I barely scratched his car. He didn't even burst into flames! He was driving the truck illegally. He was on the wrong side of the road. He ran from the accident! That's a hit and run...and you killed a guy in a burning vehicle! Aren't those big no-no's? Plus he was drinking and drugged and driving! Should be an open and shut case. At worst, it'd be a re-trial like the murder suspect above. The first trial was a hung jury, so they just retried the case. This driver's actions directly caused the death of another human being. There should be at least a lil jail time involved! My take, Bermuda bows down to the UK cuz it used to be a UK-country. The motherland prolly applied a lil pressure on behalf of one of their own and the lil island quickly folded. I hate to think what woulda happened had the driver been a handsome Chinese boy.
Well, apparently this stuff happens every day here in Bermuda. Crime has been on the rise in the last couple of decades. People here talk about how the island used to be so safe, people would leave their doors open at night, feel free to walk around after dark, there were no guns, no shootings, no murders. Now there's like a shooting almost every week. The funny thing is that guns are illegal on the island, yet people still manage to get their hands on them.
Once in a while, the cops will actually arrest someone for these crimes (Apparently it's hard to make an arrest when the guy you're trying to catch is shooting at you but you don't have a gun to shoot back with!) Convicting them is another thing. Since the island is so small and every one knows each other, more often than not the jury consists of your friends, neighbors and relatives. So you're not going to throw your brother or cousin or father-in-law or neighbor's nephew in prison. I'm not even joking. Someone on that jury will know you somehow. Whenever we're on a flight to Bermuda, it's like that scene in Die Harder where the two groups of soldiers are on the plane talking to each other and having a party (guess what movie I watched in Breckenridge while Sandy and Co. boarded that second day). It's like playing that Kevin Bacon game. There's prolly at most 3 degrees between any two people on the island. Side note: I should conduct a study.
The sad thing is that every one already knows this! The latest murder trial was at a college party by the beach. One guy took another guy's chain. Guy tried to get it back but gets stabbed in the chest with a knife three times. Thief's friends come and stab him some more with a screwdriver and hit him with a bat. Guy dies. At the end of the trial, the jury acquits him of murder and only charges him with manslaughter. The reasoning? "Whereas murder is defined as intent to kill someone or cause them grievous bodily harm, manslaughter is an unlawful act which causes a victim's death."
Wow. What do you think will happen when you stab someone in the fucking heart with a knife three times?! Even if you don't intend to kill him, surely you intent to cause them some bodily harm, no? I think getting stabbed in the heart would cause a lil pain, a lil harmful. I've never had it happen before, so I can't really say for sure. Maybe that's what his jury pals were thinking. Or they were influenced by the defendant's six witness friends who said he didn't do it. Unbelievable. When I think of manslaughter, I think of accidentally hitting someone with a car. Key word is accident. I don't think you can accidentally stab someone in the heart three times. "Dood, I was just holding my knife out, showing my friends, when the guy ran into it three times."
Speaking of car accidents, there was a trial for one of those this week too. This one though involved an expat from the UK working here as a truck driver. He was driving a truck when he hit an oncoming car. That car burst into flames, killing the driver. The two passengers were able to get out beforehand. Some nice tidbits: 1) the truck driver was only licensed to drive a small truck, but the truck he was driving was a big rig. 2) forensic evidence shows the truck was in the wrong lane 3) the truck driver and his passenger fled the scene 4) the guy that died was Bermudian, killed by a non-Bermudian 5) the truck driver was found to be more than twice the drink-drive limit 6) and here's the kicker, the driver also had cocaine in his system. Sweet! I'm no lawyer, but that looks to be some pretty bad mojo against you.
Just listening to the details, that's at least gotta be manslaughter rite? Guess what's happening to the guy? He gets to go back to the UK! After originally being convicted, they went back and threw out the case cuz the judge incorrectly directed the jury on how to weigh the evidence in the case: "the judge wrongly equated dangerous driving with careless driving, when they are different things in law...dangerous driving means someone must be guilty of a "marked departure" from the normal standard of driving...Armstrong was not guilty of that, since he was only guilty of a "momentary lapse" at worst, as there was no evidence his manner of driving was dangerous in the run up to the collision."
"Momentary lapse"?! Are you referring to the moment his truck slammed into the car head-on...as opposed to the moments he drank and snorted coke and got into a truck and started the truck and drove the truck for however long? Seems like a lot of moments. Yeah, his driving wasn't dangerous. It was only dangerous during and after the collision. The rest of his driving was perfectly safe. It would have been OK for him to drive had he not killed someone.
Holy shmoly. Looks like they found another loophole. I dunno. When I think of careless driving, I think of talking or texting on a cellphone or eating while driving. Or playing with your radio. Or smacking your kid around. Getting behind the wheel after drinking more than 5 beers AND snorting a couple lines of coke is a lil more than careless. I consider having both alcohol and cocaine in your system to be a "marked departure" from the normal standard of living, let alone driving. This guy must have super powers. Most mortal men would be a lil affected by 5+ beers and cocaine. Most people prolly couldn't walk or talk straight, let alone drive a big ol truck. I guess that's why they brought this superhuman over to drive a truck. Wait, isn't cocaine an illegal drug?! Or maybe I'm just a tight-ass.
Looking at all the facts of the case, I coulda sworn this guy would get screwed. Bermudians hate expats on the island and here you are killing one! It's not even like he was an executive or something with power or connections. He was here as a truck driver (why you'd need to bring in a foreigner to drive a truck is beyond me. You really couldn't find someone on the island qualified to drive?!) The taxi driver I hit was pissed cuz I was on the wrong side of the road, and I barely scratched his car. He didn't even burst into flames! He was driving the truck illegally. He was on the wrong side of the road. He ran from the accident! That's a hit and run...and you killed a guy in a burning vehicle! Aren't those big no-no's? Plus he was drinking and drugged and driving! Should be an open and shut case. At worst, it'd be a re-trial like the murder suspect above. The first trial was a hung jury, so they just retried the case. This driver's actions directly caused the death of another human being. There should be at least a lil jail time involved! My take, Bermuda bows down to the UK cuz it used to be a UK-country. The motherland prolly applied a lil pressure on behalf of one of their own and the lil island quickly folded. I hate to think what woulda happened had the driver been a handsome Chinese boy.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Alive
We went to Breckenridge last weekend for one last snowboarding trip. For the record, I was against it from the start. We had already gone to Vermont back in January, and I had just gotten back from Taiwan. But what breadwinner wants, breadwinner gets (ie: the new, white Vespa sitting in our driveway that I told her to buy the first time around when we were first looking for scooters cuz I knew she wanted it and didn't want her buying another scooter a month later but she swore she wouldn't want a Vespa so we ended up buying a scooter neither one of us really liked only to have her buy another scooter two months later anyways).
We were meeting up with Victor, Tammy, Kira and her mom, so it was like a family trip. Stopped off in Miami, rented a car and met up with Joyce for a couple hours. Didn't get to see her art show but got to eat lunch with her and catch up for a lil bit, which was nice. Spent almost 2 hours at the Sprint store trying to get a new cell phone. When we landed in Denver, we drove straight to Hooters. Knocked down 12 wings in about 5 minutes cuz their flight landed right as our wings were being served.
Started boarding around 11. Went down a couple blues. No problem. Sandy was even managing pretty well. Then we started going down a couple blue/blacks. Top part was moguls, which was a bit tricky for me. Since we were going with pros, I figured this was my chance to get better. Gonna get these moguls down. From what I've been told, cuz I don't remember, I was going down toe-side, edge caught, flew backwards, landed on my head and got a concussion. Apparently I had no idea where I was. The conversation went something like this:
Me: What happened?
Them: You had a bad fall.
Them: Do you know where we are?
Me: No.
Them: Where do you think we are?
Me: There's snow...are we in Europe? Vermont?
Them: Do you know where you live?
Me: Chicago.
Them: No, you live in Bermuda.
Me: Bermuda? What are we doing in Bermuda?!
Them: Sandy works there. Do you know what she does?
Me: She's an actuary.
Them: What do you do there?
Me: I dunno. I work?
Them: Where do you work?
Me: I have no idea.
Them: No, you don't work.
Me: WTF?! What do you mean I don't work?
Them: You don't have a job. You stay home.
Me: WHAT?! What the hell do I do at home all day?!
Them: Good question. We're in Colorado. Do you know how you got here?
Me: From Bermuda? Boat?
Them: You think you came from Bermuda to Colorado on a boat?
Me: I guess so.
Them: You don't remember getting on a plane from Bermuda and seeing your cousin in Miami?
Me: No.
Them: Do you remember going to Taiwan?
Me: No. What the hell? Did we smoke?!
I guess this went on for quite a while. They got the later part on video. Sadly, they didn't get my reaction to the fact that I didn't have a job. That would have been classic. Needless to say, I was done for the day. I remember boarding down to the lodge and just feeling completely empty. Never had a concussion in my life. Not from playing football or basketball or anything else. And this was with a helmet on! I can only imagine what woulda happened had I not had a helmet, like when I first started boarding after college. That's why I quit...cuz of all the hard hits to the back of my head.
When we got back home, Sandy and I got really sick. I had the worst pounding headache, like my worst hangover magnified by ten. I was in bed the entire night, curled up in the fetal position. This lasted from 3pm until 7am the next morning. The whole time, I was thinking I was gonna pull a Natasha Richardson. The headaches were so bad that I was even praying for it. Victor said it was altitude sickness. Supposedly the cure is lots of sleep and water, neither of which we had. We got to Breckenridge around 3AM, which was 6AM Bermuda time. We'd been up since 6AM the day before. Didn't sleep til like 5 and woke up at 8. I didn't drink any water cuz I don't like having to pee with all my gear on.
Sandy felt OK enuff to still board the next day. My head would still hurt if I sneezed, bent over or got up too fast. Good thing is she was somehow able to get my entire lift ticket refunded, both days. Score.
Even back in Bermuda, I was feeling off. We ended up playing tennis on Wednesday for two hours. Felt sick the next day. Was in bed practically all day. Played tennis again today. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Pretty scary when you think about it. Your brain ain't nothin to mess with. To completely lose your memory like that is crazy. It's like the cords in there disconnect from your brain or something. It's like being unplugged from the matrix. It's not even like I was going fast or doing anything crazy. I was going pretty slow and trying to be careful. Can't be good for you. May be time to retire while I'm on top.
We were meeting up with Victor, Tammy, Kira and her mom, so it was like a family trip. Stopped off in Miami, rented a car and met up with Joyce for a couple hours. Didn't get to see her art show but got to eat lunch with her and catch up for a lil bit, which was nice. Spent almost 2 hours at the Sprint store trying to get a new cell phone. When we landed in Denver, we drove straight to Hooters. Knocked down 12 wings in about 5 minutes cuz their flight landed right as our wings were being served.
Started boarding around 11. Went down a couple blues. No problem. Sandy was even managing pretty well. Then we started going down a couple blue/blacks. Top part was moguls, which was a bit tricky for me. Since we were going with pros, I figured this was my chance to get better. Gonna get these moguls down. From what I've been told, cuz I don't remember, I was going down toe-side, edge caught, flew backwards, landed on my head and got a concussion. Apparently I had no idea where I was. The conversation went something like this:
Me: What happened?
Them: You had a bad fall.
Them: Do you know where we are?
Me: No.
Them: Where do you think we are?
Me: There's snow...are we in Europe? Vermont?
Them: Do you know where you live?
Me: Chicago.
Them: No, you live in Bermuda.
Me: Bermuda? What are we doing in Bermuda?!
Them: Sandy works there. Do you know what she does?
Me: She's an actuary.
Them: What do you do there?
Me: I dunno. I work?
Them: Where do you work?
Me: I have no idea.
Them: No, you don't work.
Me: WTF?! What do you mean I don't work?
Them: You don't have a job. You stay home.
Me: WHAT?! What the hell do I do at home all day?!
Them: Good question. We're in Colorado. Do you know how you got here?
Me: From Bermuda? Boat?
Them: You think you came from Bermuda to Colorado on a boat?
Me: I guess so.
Them: You don't remember getting on a plane from Bermuda and seeing your cousin in Miami?
Me: No.
Them: Do you remember going to Taiwan?
Me: No. What the hell? Did we smoke?!
I guess this went on for quite a while. They got the later part on video. Sadly, they didn't get my reaction to the fact that I didn't have a job. That would have been classic. Needless to say, I was done for the day. I remember boarding down to the lodge and just feeling completely empty. Never had a concussion in my life. Not from playing football or basketball or anything else. And this was with a helmet on! I can only imagine what woulda happened had I not had a helmet, like when I first started boarding after college. That's why I quit...cuz of all the hard hits to the back of my head.
When we got back home, Sandy and I got really sick. I had the worst pounding headache, like my worst hangover magnified by ten. I was in bed the entire night, curled up in the fetal position. This lasted from 3pm until 7am the next morning. The whole time, I was thinking I was gonna pull a Natasha Richardson. The headaches were so bad that I was even praying for it. Victor said it was altitude sickness. Supposedly the cure is lots of sleep and water, neither of which we had. We got to Breckenridge around 3AM, which was 6AM Bermuda time. We'd been up since 6AM the day before. Didn't sleep til like 5 and woke up at 8. I didn't drink any water cuz I don't like having to pee with all my gear on.
Sandy felt OK enuff to still board the next day. My head would still hurt if I sneezed, bent over or got up too fast. Good thing is she was somehow able to get my entire lift ticket refunded, both days. Score.
Even back in Bermuda, I was feeling off. We ended up playing tennis on Wednesday for two hours. Felt sick the next day. Was in bed practically all day. Played tennis again today. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Pretty scary when you think about it. Your brain ain't nothin to mess with. To completely lose your memory like that is crazy. It's like the cords in there disconnect from your brain or something. It's like being unplugged from the matrix. It's not even like I was going fast or doing anything crazy. I was going pretty slow and trying to be careful. Can't be good for you. May be time to retire while I'm on top.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Bermuda weather
The weather's been pretty good since I've been back, which is good since I'm determined to lose this weight. Side note: I've realized that I am also way too stiff. Never was very flexible, but now I can barely touch my knees. Being fat doesn't help in trying to be more flexible cuz, every time I bend over, a nice big roll of fat oozes over my sweatpants (yes, Fat Jim wears them exclusively now) and further restricts my range of motion. I don't know whether to try touching my toes or poke at my roll of fat. Anyways, the weather's been nice enough that I've been able to run outside a couple times this week and last in t-shirt and shorts. Nothing to complain about.
Funny thing is, it's nice during the day all week, EXCEPT when Sandy's home. She was home last Thursday for a study day. Guess which day it rained last week? She was home yesterday too. We finally bought used tennis rackets Tuesday, but we couldn't play yesterday because it rained...that and we didn't have any balls. It's kinda sad and amusing at the same time. Of course it cleared up in the afternoon, so we were still able to go for a run.
It was nice out today. Figures, since Sandy's at work. I kept going back and forth as to whether I should go run. My new routine is to run to the gym, work out and run/walk back home. It was nice out, but a lil cloudy. Finally, the sun came out. I went outside and saw a big ol sun and complete blue sky. Aight, I'll do my run cuz we're boarding in Breckenridge this weekend, and I'm gonna eat like a pig. Plus we went out for dinner last night and I ate way too much. I was already full but decided to polish off my entire plate of fries cuz I'm stupid like that. The waitress even gave me an out by asking if I was done, but I waved her off like the fatass I am. I've seriously grown a soft spot in my heart for fat people. Or maybe it's my stomach that's grown.
Run to the gym just fine. Six sets into my workout, I look outside and see that the entire sky has turned gray. Shit, looks like it's gonna rain. I go outside and see that my nice blue sky is quickly being overtaken by darkness. A lady on the street says rain's a comin. Apparently Bermudians are all really good at forecasting this stuff by looking at the clouds. How am I supposed to know if gray clouds actually mean it's gonna rain? I don't want to spend the rest of the day stuck in the gym, so I decide to cut my workout short and run back home. I guess being fat also makes you delusional to the point where you think you can outrun the rain. Not more than 30 seconds into my run, it starts to rain. DOH! Instead of going back to the gym and just finishing my workout like a normal person, I decide it'd be more productive to wait it out under a canopy in front of a store. Fortunately, rain only lasts about 5 minutes. I decide to just go home rather than go back to the gym. Of course, now that I'm home, it's back to sun and clear blue skies.
So really I coulda just finished my workout and run home dry. It's like God telling me I'm destined to remain fat and carry this ring of shame around with me for the rest of my life. Maybe the extra padding will help cushion my falls this weekend. It's like natural crash pads.
Funny thing is, it's nice during the day all week, EXCEPT when Sandy's home. She was home last Thursday for a study day. Guess which day it rained last week? She was home yesterday too. We finally bought used tennis rackets Tuesday, but we couldn't play yesterday because it rained...that and we didn't have any balls. It's kinda sad and amusing at the same time. Of course it cleared up in the afternoon, so we were still able to go for a run.
It was nice out today. Figures, since Sandy's at work. I kept going back and forth as to whether I should go run. My new routine is to run to the gym, work out and run/walk back home. It was nice out, but a lil cloudy. Finally, the sun came out. I went outside and saw a big ol sun and complete blue sky. Aight, I'll do my run cuz we're boarding in Breckenridge this weekend, and I'm gonna eat like a pig. Plus we went out for dinner last night and I ate way too much. I was already full but decided to polish off my entire plate of fries cuz I'm stupid like that. The waitress even gave me an out by asking if I was done, but I waved her off like the fatass I am. I've seriously grown a soft spot in my heart for fat people. Or maybe it's my stomach that's grown.
Run to the gym just fine. Six sets into my workout, I look outside and see that the entire sky has turned gray. Shit, looks like it's gonna rain. I go outside and see that my nice blue sky is quickly being overtaken by darkness. A lady on the street says rain's a comin. Apparently Bermudians are all really good at forecasting this stuff by looking at the clouds. How am I supposed to know if gray clouds actually mean it's gonna rain? I don't want to spend the rest of the day stuck in the gym, so I decide to cut my workout short and run back home. I guess being fat also makes you delusional to the point where you think you can outrun the rain. Not more than 30 seconds into my run, it starts to rain. DOH! Instead of going back to the gym and just finishing my workout like a normal person, I decide it'd be more productive to wait it out under a canopy in front of a store. Fortunately, rain only lasts about 5 minutes. I decide to just go home rather than go back to the gym. Of course, now that I'm home, it's back to sun and clear blue skies.
So really I coulda just finished my workout and run home dry. It's like God telling me I'm destined to remain fat and carry this ring of shame around with me for the rest of my life. Maybe the extra padding will help cushion my falls this weekend. It's like natural crash pads.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
White Vespa, Check.
It's been a while since I updated. That either means that my life is so exciting that I don't have time to blog, or that I'm a big loser and have nothing exciting to write about. I'll let you guess which one explains my long absence from blogging ;)
Many of you already know that I checked off one more item from my wishlist this past week. Finally got my white Vespa. I've been eyeing it for a while so imagine my excitement when I hear on the radio that HWP (the Vespa dealer) was having a huge sale last Saturday. Nobody in Bermuda ever has sales. I'm thinking I'm going to get this Vespa for a crazy deal. Why else would I hear ads for this HUGE sale at least 5 times in 30 minutes? Jim was still in Taiwan so I emailed him about how I was going to go to the HWP sale and I was so excited. He's been against me getting another scooter so I was pretty shocked when he didn't really give me any trouble about going to the sale. Finally, Saturday comes and I hit up the farmer's market first (my new favorite Saturday spot). Then walk over to the HWP sale next door. There stands a shiny, white Vespa. I ask the salesperson if they have any white left of the 125cc one. They only have 1 more....it's fate! So of course, I tell him I'll take it. Oops, I forgot to check the price but surely it's going to be a great deal because it's a huge sale. So I walk over to the price tag while he gets the other guy to do my paperwork. Wait for it...it was a whopping $200 off. Yep, big sale indeed. Oh well, it's better than nothing. I finish putting down my deposit. When I get home, I email Jim to let him know that I bought myself a new Vespa. He's shocked. I thought I told him I was going to the sale?! Turns out he didn't remember what HWP was and thought I was going to go buy a computer or something at the HP sale. Silly.
I finally experienced the Bermuda night life while Jim was gone. Nothing too exciting to report. Guess bars are the same no matter where you are. Not much else going on over here. Why we moved to Bermuda is a puzzle to me because all we ever do is try to get off the island. We already did Vegas, Vermont, Chicago and Taiwan in the past 2 months. We're going to Breckenridge for some more boarding this weekend, which I'm super excited about because we get to see my family and my cutie pie niece. Then probably a trip back to Chicago in April for a conference I might be attending. Then off to Kenya for our first safari in July. Watching the food network today made me miss all of the good food back in the states :(. Must stop watching the food network. Although, my husband is now a master chef because he learned to make some Chinese food when he was in Taiwan. Yum...
Many of you already know that I checked off one more item from my wishlist this past week. Finally got my white Vespa. I've been eyeing it for a while so imagine my excitement when I hear on the radio that HWP (the Vespa dealer) was having a huge sale last Saturday. Nobody in Bermuda ever has sales. I'm thinking I'm going to get this Vespa for a crazy deal. Why else would I hear ads for this HUGE sale at least 5 times in 30 minutes? Jim was still in Taiwan so I emailed him about how I was going to go to the HWP sale and I was so excited. He's been against me getting another scooter so I was pretty shocked when he didn't really give me any trouble about going to the sale. Finally, Saturday comes and I hit up the farmer's market first (my new favorite Saturday spot). Then walk over to the HWP sale next door. There stands a shiny, white Vespa. I ask the salesperson if they have any white left of the 125cc one. They only have 1 more....it's fate! So of course, I tell him I'll take it. Oops, I forgot to check the price but surely it's going to be a great deal because it's a huge sale. So I walk over to the price tag while he gets the other guy to do my paperwork. Wait for it...it was a whopping $200 off. Yep, big sale indeed. Oh well, it's better than nothing. I finish putting down my deposit. When I get home, I email Jim to let him know that I bought myself a new Vespa. He's shocked. I thought I told him I was going to the sale?! Turns out he didn't remember what HWP was and thought I was going to go buy a computer or something at the HP sale. Silly.
I finally experienced the Bermuda night life while Jim was gone. Nothing too exciting to report. Guess bars are the same no matter where you are. Not much else going on over here. Why we moved to Bermuda is a puzzle to me because all we ever do is try to get off the island. We already did Vegas, Vermont, Chicago and Taiwan in the past 2 months. We're going to Breckenridge for some more boarding this weekend, which I'm super excited about because we get to see my family and my cutie pie niece. Then probably a trip back to Chicago in April for a conference I might be attending. Then off to Kenya for our first safari in July. Watching the food network today made me miss all of the good food back in the states :(. Must stop watching the food network. Although, my husband is now a master chef because he learned to make some Chinese food when he was in Taiwan. Yum...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Home and fat
After almost a month away, I am back in good ol Bermuda. Went for a long run this morning? Why? Cuz I've gained 16.5 freakin pounds! I am 2.5 lbs away from 190. That is freakin ridiculous. I wouldn't even believe it if I didn't have this massive blob of fat oozing over my sweatpants. Yes, I am now one of those disgusting fat ppl that can't fit anything besides sweatpants. At least I don't have the sweaty ass crack...at least I don't think. I dunno, the dogs aren't trying to lick me or anything.
How do you even gain so much weight so fast?! (It's become so bad that I just typed "fat" instead of "fast") Oh yeah, by stuffing your face every meal every day for three weeks straight and doing zero exercise, unless you count walking to the park with my grandparents. My grandparents are 89, so no, I don't count that as exercise. At least they weren't doing laps around me, I guess. My grandparents didn't like me eating out all the time, and I wanted to hang out with them, so I'd eat at home with them. But I also didn't want to miss out on any of the delicious food out there, so I'd sneak out AFTER I already ate. So it'd basically be 2 sittings for one meal.
My plan to workout while I was out there was just a sad failure. The big gym up the street actually had a free 3 day pass, but I was too lazy to go. Cam and I talked about it more than once, but we never made the attempt to go workout. We'd go somewhere to eat instead. I thought about running at the park we'd go to, but that didn't turn out so well either. I figure I could just follow the exercise routine my grandparents used. I actually thought about running up and down the stairs at home. They lived on the 16th floor, so it would have been pretty good exercise. I can't say for sure tho cuz I never ran it. Hell, I never even walked it. Closest I got to working out was walking during a round of golf. Even then, I only walked a couple holes, and that was mostly because I was looking for my ball.
I'm like the greedy, fat kid in Willy Wonka who wants to eat absolutely every thing in sight. One night, Cam and I went out for steak. I ended up having four orders of foie gras. FOUR. I ordered an appetizer for each of us, which was basically two for me cuz I knew he didn't want it. Then I had foie gras on top of my ribeye. Yum. My mom asked us to bring home an order of foie gras for my uncle. Turns out he didn't even want it, so I ate that one too.
One of my new favorite foods out there was intestine. It's cut up into lovely, fatty pieces. Once I said to my mom..."This kinda smells and tastes like shit." Oh, I wonder why that is! Maybe that's cuz it used to hold shit! Didn't really bother me. Still tasted delish.
I have no idea how I'm going to lose this weight. I'll hafta run every single day. I'm going to not shower until after I've worked out. That will either help motivate me to get off my ass or cause Sandy to sleep in a separate bed. Since I'm not that fond of showering to begin with, I'm not sure this is the best idea. We shall see.
How do you even gain so much weight so fast?! (It's become so bad that I just typed "fat" instead of "fast") Oh yeah, by stuffing your face every meal every day for three weeks straight and doing zero exercise, unless you count walking to the park with my grandparents. My grandparents are 89, so no, I don't count that as exercise. At least they weren't doing laps around me, I guess. My grandparents didn't like me eating out all the time, and I wanted to hang out with them, so I'd eat at home with them. But I also didn't want to miss out on any of the delicious food out there, so I'd sneak out AFTER I already ate. So it'd basically be 2 sittings for one meal.
My plan to workout while I was out there was just a sad failure. The big gym up the street actually had a free 3 day pass, but I was too lazy to go. Cam and I talked about it more than once, but we never made the attempt to go workout. We'd go somewhere to eat instead. I thought about running at the park we'd go to, but that didn't turn out so well either. I figure I could just follow the exercise routine my grandparents used. I actually thought about running up and down the stairs at home. They lived on the 16th floor, so it would have been pretty good exercise. I can't say for sure tho cuz I never ran it. Hell, I never even walked it. Closest I got to working out was walking during a round of golf. Even then, I only walked a couple holes, and that was mostly because I was looking for my ball.
I'm like the greedy, fat kid in Willy Wonka who wants to eat absolutely every thing in sight. One night, Cam and I went out for steak. I ended up having four orders of foie gras. FOUR. I ordered an appetizer for each of us, which was basically two for me cuz I knew he didn't want it. Then I had foie gras on top of my ribeye. Yum. My mom asked us to bring home an order of foie gras for my uncle. Turns out he didn't even want it, so I ate that one too.
One of my new favorite foods out there was intestine. It's cut up into lovely, fatty pieces. Once I said to my mom..."This kinda smells and tastes like shit." Oh, I wonder why that is! Maybe that's cuz it used to hold shit! Didn't really bother me. Still tasted delish.
I have no idea how I'm going to lose this weight. I'll hafta run every single day. I'm going to not shower until after I've worked out. That will either help motivate me to get off my ass or cause Sandy to sleep in a separate bed. Since I'm not that fond of showering to begin with, I'm not sure this is the best idea. We shall see.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Pigs get fat...
Been in Taiwan for 8 hours now. Since then, I've had 3 meals. When we got home around 12:30AM, we had the beef noodle soup and fried pork w/ fried rice that I asked my mom to get for us. Went to bed around 2, woke up 4 hours later. Proceeded downstairs with Sandy for some Taiwanese breakfast. I had a egg/"oil stick" wrap, 3/4 of Sandy's egg wrap, half an egg/"oil stick" wrap in a bun and soy milk. We didn't think that was enuff, so we then walked 2 blocks for a bowl of noodles. Delicious.
It was great seeing every one in Chicago. Special thanks to Jim and Leslie for letting us crash at their place and use their car. Guess I kinda do miss having friends. Hooters Friday night when we landed, Portillo's for lunch (2 jumbo chili cheese dogs and large cheese fries. We actually ordered an extra beef and cheddar croissant, but we were both too stuffed to touch it) with our only blog fans and then dinner at our favorite restaurant, Wildfire. By the end of Wildfire, my stomach was absolutely killing me. I don't think my stomach's used to all the greasy food. Hopefully I broke it in.
I weighed in at 171 when I left the island. I'm pretty sure I'm at least +3 already.
It was great seeing every one in Chicago. Special thanks to Jim and Leslie for letting us crash at their place and use their car. Guess I kinda do miss having friends. Hooters Friday night when we landed, Portillo's for lunch (2 jumbo chili cheese dogs and large cheese fries. We actually ordered an extra beef and cheddar croissant, but we were both too stuffed to touch it) with our only blog fans and then dinner at our favorite restaurant, Wildfire. By the end of Wildfire, my stomach was absolutely killing me. I don't think my stomach's used to all the greasy food. Hopefully I broke it in.
I weighed in at 171 when I left the island. I'm pretty sure I'm at least +3 already.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Ghettofied
Back in the states, Sandy hated hip hop. Despised it. Couldn't stand listening to it. She didn't even have B96 or KISS FM programmed in her car. She didn't even like light, fun music, such as Rihanna. What does she listen to now that we're in Bermuda? Rap. I'm not talking Jay-Z or Eminem. We're talking hardcore, gangsta rap here. Ghetto off the heezy fo sheezy. Stuff I can't even listen to. We're in the car yesterday picking up food, and she's got some ridiculous music on the radio. I could barely stand it. She actually enjoys it! Couple weeks ago, she calls me on her way home. She's all excited with some guy blasting in the background..."They're playing my favorite song! I don't want it to stop!" I'd rather listen to Christian music than the stuff she likes. I have no idea what's happened to my wife.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Diving for humiliation
One of the few things I want to be able to do here in Bermuda is catch a lobster. Lobster diving...it just sounds so cool. So after my first attempt, which I failed miserably, I decided I'd be as prepared as humanly possible. So I bought all this scuba gear: wetsuit, hood, snorkel, mask, boots, fins, weight belt, flashlight. All this stuff is definitely going to make a difference.
So last weekend, we took the boat out both days. Did not see a single lobster on Saturday, but I was starting to get the hang of it. I could go down a ways and actually look into caves. Still wasn't great at holding my breath but a huge improvement from the first time. Weather on Sunday was even better, so we went out again. This time we were met by the boat police right as we were trying to anchor. I guess we weren't allowed to have a scuba tank and lobster nooses in the same boat. Luckily they were pretty cool and let us go with a warning. They didn't even bother to check for my lobster diving license, which I did not have. Thank the good lord cuz it's supposed to be over $1,000 fine. After that I was a lil worried, so I went down without the noose just in case they decided to come back. Figured I'd look around first.
I saw a lotta cool things: one of those camouflaged sandfish, big ol angelfish, even saw a turtle, but no lobster. But the elusive lobster can't be far off. Only a matter of time rite? RIGHT! I look into this one hole, and I see antenna. Holy shit! Is that a lobster?! Come up for air, go back down and take another look. Definitely a lobster! FINALLY! All my searching has finally paid off! I can't get to it tho cuz I don't have my noose! I start yelling at Ben and Co. while frantically waving my arms, "LOBSTER! LOBSTER!" Ben swims over with the nooses. He takes a look and confirms. I let him have first crack at it cuz he's actually caught a bunch before. I'm too excited to even hold my breath for more than five seconds. It's a lil tricky cuz it's pretty deep in the hole. He tries a couple times. I try and help, which basically means I dive down, hold my breath for a lil bit and come back up for air. Finally I see Ben come up with it, but it looks like it's tail is broken off. I'm like..."Damn, thing really put up a fight! It's gonna be big and meaty!" As I look closer, it appears a lil lifeless. Turns out it was a lobster...shell. Oh. My. God.
Seriously, this shit only happens to me! Who else does this happen to?! First of all, who knew lobster shed their shells?! Where do they go to get a new one!? Why do they even need a new one?! Why is it deep in a freaking cave with no light to make it look like an actual lobster?! Why do I hafta be the one to find it?! And after all my freaking excitement! Saddest part of the whole story: I couldn't even catch a dead, unmoving lobster. I had to have Ben do it. Imagine my dumb ass getting all excited and trying to figure out the best way to catch a g'damn lobster shell. It's basically like trying to catch a rock.
In hindsight, no wonder that thing didn't try harder to escape. If I couldn't even catch a lobster shell, how the hell am I gonna be able to catch one that's actually alive and can move?! I think I need better gear...
So last weekend, we took the boat out both days. Did not see a single lobster on Saturday, but I was starting to get the hang of it. I could go down a ways and actually look into caves. Still wasn't great at holding my breath but a huge improvement from the first time. Weather on Sunday was even better, so we went out again. This time we were met by the boat police right as we were trying to anchor. I guess we weren't allowed to have a scuba tank and lobster nooses in the same boat. Luckily they were pretty cool and let us go with a warning. They didn't even bother to check for my lobster diving license, which I did not have. Thank the good lord cuz it's supposed to be over $1,000 fine. After that I was a lil worried, so I went down without the noose just in case they decided to come back. Figured I'd look around first.
I saw a lotta cool things: one of those camouflaged sandfish, big ol angelfish, even saw a turtle, but no lobster. But the elusive lobster can't be far off. Only a matter of time rite? RIGHT! I look into this one hole, and I see antenna. Holy shit! Is that a lobster?! Come up for air, go back down and take another look. Definitely a lobster! FINALLY! All my searching has finally paid off! I can't get to it tho cuz I don't have my noose! I start yelling at Ben and Co. while frantically waving my arms, "LOBSTER! LOBSTER!" Ben swims over with the nooses. He takes a look and confirms. I let him have first crack at it cuz he's actually caught a bunch before. I'm too excited to even hold my breath for more than five seconds. It's a lil tricky cuz it's pretty deep in the hole. He tries a couple times. I try and help, which basically means I dive down, hold my breath for a lil bit and come back up for air. Finally I see Ben come up with it, but it looks like it's tail is broken off. I'm like..."Damn, thing really put up a fight! It's gonna be big and meaty!" As I look closer, it appears a lil lifeless. Turns out it was a lobster...shell. Oh. My. God.
Seriously, this shit only happens to me! Who else does this happen to?! First of all, who knew lobster shed their shells?! Where do they go to get a new one!? Why do they even need a new one?! Why is it deep in a freaking cave with no light to make it look like an actual lobster?! Why do I hafta be the one to find it?! And after all my freaking excitement! Saddest part of the whole story: I couldn't even catch a dead, unmoving lobster. I had to have Ben do it. Imagine my dumb ass getting all excited and trying to figure out the best way to catch a g'damn lobster shell. It's basically like trying to catch a rock.
In hindsight, no wonder that thing didn't try harder to escape. If I couldn't even catch a lobster shell, how the hell am I gonna be able to catch one that's actually alive and can move?! I think I need better gear...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
These are a few of my favorite things...
Jim came downtown to drop off the scooter today because there's something wrong with the lights (I had to drive home last night in the pitch black with no lights, it was scary). He met me for lunch at one of my favorite lunch spots in town. We ate outside. It was 70 degrees out. Instead of doing P90x, we went to my favorite restaurant for dinner where we had delicious guacamole, seafood and steak paella and a half pitcher of sangria (which I drank all by myself). Best sangria ever. I still have not done even one P90X workout so I am un-fit to review it. :( I do, however, know for a fact that you do not lose weight by simply buying it. Had I known this, I may have re-considered the purchase.
I heart Bermuda.
I heart Bermuda.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Leader of the Pack
When you move to Bermuda, everyone tells you not to ride a scooter because they are so dangerous. They are the cause of most of the deaths in Bermuda (in the days before the gang/gun violence that is currently happening). However, if you have to get a scooter to get around (they only allow one car per family), then they always say not to take the third lane. There are only 2 lanes on the streets in Bermuda, one for going east and one for going west. The third lane is the white line on the road in between the cars in the other lanes. One of the sights that still amazes me in Bermuda is seeing all the crazy scooter riders squeezing between cars on the narrow, winding roads here and driving down the third lane. When they see oncoming traffic coming (particularly a bus or truck), they just huddle up next to the car that they are passing and hope that there's enough room for the other vehicle to pass. They weave in and out like this and pass all of the car drivers and, if there's a red light, they all gather up right by the light so it's like a scooter pack. The lights here turn red and yellow (simultaneously) before they turn green. The minute the lights turn red and yellow, the scooter drivers are off. I used to just observe this activity and think "Crazy scooter drivers. I will never ride the third lane. That's so dangerous!" Fast forward to last week. My car was in the shop so I had to take the scooter to work. The traffic is insane going into Hamilton during rush hour. So I decide to just pass a few cars when the coast is clear. Then more. Then I'm driving the third lane all the way into town. The first few times, I would wait for another scooter to go into that lane and follow them. By the time I am closer to town, I'm leading the third lane! Now I can't even drive to town without taking the third lane. It cuts more than 15 minutes off my commute to work! Now I am convinced I need another scooter. Particularly when the weather starts getting nicer (65 on a scooter feels like 40, I promise). I will live out my dream of my white vespa.
Been pretty busy the last few weeks. Vermont trip was awesome, which convinced me that I need to go snowboarding out west in March. Park City or Colorado. Any takers? Then last weekend was beautiful in Bermuda. 68ish and the water was flat calm so we took the boat out both days. The second day, I actually put on my wetsuit and snorkeled for a little bit. We even BBQ'd last weekend...in January!! I'm still back and forth about whether I like island life, but I think I'm back to the liking it phase. Work is busy, which has left little time for me to do my new P90x DVDs I picked up when I was back in the states (BTW, I'm convinced k8e is mad at me and her telling me to get the DVDs was just a big joke so her and x could laugh at me). I did try 36 minutes of it the other day before I decided that baking red velvet cupcakes would be much funner. Must get back into working out though since you actually have to wear a bathing suit when you live on an island!!
Been pretty busy the last few weeks. Vermont trip was awesome, which convinced me that I need to go snowboarding out west in March. Park City or Colorado. Any takers? Then last weekend was beautiful in Bermuda. 68ish and the water was flat calm so we took the boat out both days. The second day, I actually put on my wetsuit and snorkeled for a little bit. We even BBQ'd last weekend...in January!! I'm still back and forth about whether I like island life, but I think I'm back to the liking it phase. Work is busy, which has left little time for me to do my new P90x DVDs I picked up when I was back in the states (BTW, I'm convinced k8e is mad at me and her telling me to get the DVDs was just a big joke so her and x could laugh at me). I did try 36 minutes of it the other day before I decided that baking red velvet cupcakes would be much funner. Must get back into working out though since you actually have to wear a bathing suit when you live on an island!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Vermont and NYC
Boarding trip turned out to be really good. Drive from JFK to Stowe wasn't too bad. We stopped off in Flushing for some noodles at Xi'an Famous Noodles. I guess it was on No Reservations. We ended up getting a plate of the recommended noodles and 2 more bowl noodles. The bowl noodles were horrible. Didn't even touch one. Got a 3rd bowl from the place next door. Much better. Sandy loved it. I guess this other place was recommended too, but Sandy didn't bother to read the entire review online. We stopped off at some mall in Connecticut cuz the GPS said we'd get to our dinner reservations 2 hours early. So I got to spend a couple hours following Sandy around yet another mall. I dunno how she can buy so much, yet I don't buy anything.
Back on the road, we finally realize that the GPS is on Mountain time or something instead of Eastern, so we had to call Simon Pearce to change our reservation twice. Dinner was OK. Nothing spectacular. Cheddar soup was nice. Ended up at Stowe around 10:30. Place was nice. Suite was cool. Guess there are perks to staying right at the base of the mountain. Followed Sandy around on her lesson for half the first day. He wasn't as good as the guy in Tahoe. Sandy got a massage after the first day. I somehow resisted the urge to drop $200 on some dood giving me a rubdown. Sandy swore it made all the difference in her lack of soreness. Boarding was good times, but I think we need to go with someone at her level and someone at mine. I don't think I progressed at all this time. Wasn't nearly as cold as I imagined, prolly cuz we were all bundled up. Love my thermal.
NYC is ridiculous. I dunno how ppl live there. Check that, I dunno how ppl drive there. Pedestrians are retarded. I had at least three different ppl walk in front of my car when the light was turning green. Once I just started going and the lady gave me a look like I was at fault. Taxis are even worse, and they're every where. Parking's unbelievable too. When we first pulled up, the guy was like..."I wouldn't recommend parking here, it's $16/night." I thought $16 was expensive, so I go find a parking garage. Couldn't find any, so I head back. I'll just pay the $16. Turns out I misheard and it was actually $60!!! Parking garage ended up being $46 after tax anyways.
Went to Ippudo that night for some famous ramen. Supposedly the place is amazing. It was packed on a Monday night. Actually had to wait about 5 minutes. They say it's over an hour wait on a busy night. It was good, but we didn't think it was worth the hype at all. Didn't even finish my soup, and I always drink the noodle soup.
Finally, after over 15 years of waiting, finally got to hit up Gray's Papaya. I've been wanting to go there ever since I first watched Fools Rush In. HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! It's worse than a ballpark dog. I swear Matthew Perry had chili/cheese on his dogs. They only had kraut. Skinniest hot dogs ever. Why the hell would you fly that shit across the country?! It's not even worth walking next door for, let alone driving 30 blocks. Gimme Costco any day. Ugh. Met up with Randy for some New York style pizza. That was good at least. Oh and parking was $40 for two hours!!!!
Back on the road, we finally realize that the GPS is on Mountain time or something instead of Eastern, so we had to call Simon Pearce to change our reservation twice. Dinner was OK. Nothing spectacular. Cheddar soup was nice. Ended up at Stowe around 10:30. Place was nice. Suite was cool. Guess there are perks to staying right at the base of the mountain. Followed Sandy around on her lesson for half the first day. He wasn't as good as the guy in Tahoe. Sandy got a massage after the first day. I somehow resisted the urge to drop $200 on some dood giving me a rubdown. Sandy swore it made all the difference in her lack of soreness. Boarding was good times, but I think we need to go with someone at her level and someone at mine. I don't think I progressed at all this time. Wasn't nearly as cold as I imagined, prolly cuz we were all bundled up. Love my thermal.
NYC is ridiculous. I dunno how ppl live there. Check that, I dunno how ppl drive there. Pedestrians are retarded. I had at least three different ppl walk in front of my car when the light was turning green. Once I just started going and the lady gave me a look like I was at fault. Taxis are even worse, and they're every where. Parking's unbelievable too. When we first pulled up, the guy was like..."I wouldn't recommend parking here, it's $16/night." I thought $16 was expensive, so I go find a parking garage. Couldn't find any, so I head back. I'll just pay the $16. Turns out I misheard and it was actually $60!!! Parking garage ended up being $46 after tax anyways.
Went to Ippudo that night for some famous ramen. Supposedly the place is amazing. It was packed on a Monday night. Actually had to wait about 5 minutes. They say it's over an hour wait on a busy night. It was good, but we didn't think it was worth the hype at all. Didn't even finish my soup, and I always drink the noodle soup.
Finally, after over 15 years of waiting, finally got to hit up Gray's Papaya. I've been wanting to go there ever since I first watched Fools Rush In. HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! It's worse than a ballpark dog. I swear Matthew Perry had chili/cheese on his dogs. They only had kraut. Skinniest hot dogs ever. Why the hell would you fly that shit across the country?! It's not even worth walking next door for, let alone driving 30 blocks. Gimme Costco any day. Ugh. Met up with Randy for some New York style pizza. That was good at least. Oh and parking was $40 for two hours!!!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Dread
I am so not looking forward to this trip to Vermont tomorrow. Every news story I see online is about how freakin cold it is in the states right now. How freaking cold is it? How can it be below freezing in the South?! I've already turned into one of those weaklings I used to make fun of...like the ppl in LA that wear winter coats when it's 50 degrees out. Went to the driving range today. First time I've used my new clubs since we've got here. Yes, it's very sad. I was gonna go a couple times before but felt it was too cold. By cold, I'm talking 60s. I couldn't even take the cold in Chicago when it was normal winter cold. I dunno how we're gonna be able to board in this freezing cold.
I dunno how we'll survive this weekend. If ppl are freezing to death down South, I can only imagine how cold it is in the Northeast. Ugh. It took me about 15 minutes to pack. Sandy's still figuring out which pairs of furry boots to bring. I bet she ends up bringing 5 pairs for a 4 night trip.
This is a lil too soon after our Vegas trip, which was a blast. Good being around family and actually interacting with ppl on a daily basis. White Elephant was fun. Food was very disappointing tho. I guess that's what happens when you hype things up too much. Foie gras was dry, if that's even possible. Steak was just so-so. Hot N Juicy was good, but Sandy freaking ordered the hot version, even when our waitress told us it'd be too hot. In N Out made me wanna throw up. Even McDonald's wasn't that great. La Reve was disappointing. Rio buffet, which we waited in line for over an hour for, didn't quite meet expectations. Saw Avatar in 3D. Movie is amazing. Cracks my top 10 for sure. I even got teary-eyed during certain scenes. Somehow I resisted the urge to get popcorn but still managed to eat half of Greg's.
I dunno if I wanna go back to Vegas anymore tho. So many freaking Asians. It's ridiculous. Freakin dirty, ghetto Asians every where! Ugh. Oh and I walked into a Bank of America. There were 5 tellers. Each one knew how and was speaking Spanish! I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
This house husband thing definitely getting to me. Dog sitter came tonight, and I was very sad to see them leave. I started getting sad before she even got here. Even walking around the house now, I get sad when I see their toys laying around. It's only four freaking days! I gotta check my balls once in a while to make sure they're still there. Maybe I should stop peeing sitting down.
I dunno how we'll survive this weekend. If ppl are freezing to death down South, I can only imagine how cold it is in the Northeast. Ugh. It took me about 15 minutes to pack. Sandy's still figuring out which pairs of furry boots to bring. I bet she ends up bringing 5 pairs for a 4 night trip.
This is a lil too soon after our Vegas trip, which was a blast. Good being around family and actually interacting with ppl on a daily basis. White Elephant was fun. Food was very disappointing tho. I guess that's what happens when you hype things up too much. Foie gras was dry, if that's even possible. Steak was just so-so. Hot N Juicy was good, but Sandy freaking ordered the hot version, even when our waitress told us it'd be too hot. In N Out made me wanna throw up. Even McDonald's wasn't that great. La Reve was disappointing. Rio buffet, which we waited in line for over an hour for, didn't quite meet expectations. Saw Avatar in 3D. Movie is amazing. Cracks my top 10 for sure. I even got teary-eyed during certain scenes. Somehow I resisted the urge to get popcorn but still managed to eat half of Greg's.
I dunno if I wanna go back to Vegas anymore tho. So many freaking Asians. It's ridiculous. Freakin dirty, ghetto Asians every where! Ugh. Oh and I walked into a Bank of America. There were 5 tellers. Each one knew how and was speaking Spanish! I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
This house husband thing definitely getting to me. Dog sitter came tonight, and I was very sad to see them leave. I started getting sad before she even got here. Even walking around the house now, I get sad when I see their toys laying around. It's only four freaking days! I gotta check my balls once in a while to make sure they're still there. Maybe I should stop peeing sitting down.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Couscous makes the world go round
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to buy the following items from the store. You should look in our fridge first regarding the tomatoes, the celery, bread crumbs and the marsala wine (cabinet) to see if we have those.
Bread crumbs
Dijon mustard
Eggs
Salt-free lemon pepper seasoning
Old Bay seasoning
1 1/2-2 lbs. boneless, skinless chicken breasts
4 thin pork cutlets
2 shallots
4 stalks celery
4 plum tomatoes
2 artichokes
1 zucchini
16 oz. mushrooms
1 1/2 lemons
2 Granny Smith or other tart apple
1 pkg. couscous
16 oz. gnocchi (potato dumplings, sold with pastas or
frozen)
1/2 cup Marsala wine - check cabinet, we might have this
pineapple juice
pine nuts
English muffins
Wheat Pita pockets
So my new and exciting job as of late is that of grocery shopper. Sandy gives me a list of things she needs to make dinner, and I brave the scary grocery store in search of the ingredients. This is not the first time I've had to do this. First time was New Year's Eve. I can tell you this, it is no fun.
First of all, what the fuck is couscous?! Where in this grocery store would I even begin to look?! Seriously, how can you find something when you have no idea what it looks like or where it is? I don't even know what category of food it belongs to! Is it even a food?! The only reason I even know how to pronounce it is cuz I've heard it in movies before. And it sounds as ridiculous as it's spelled. "Excuse me, I'm sorry to scare you. I only look like a freak. I was hoping you could tell me what couscous is?" Have you ever been to the store and seen a guy walking around with a grocery list? Of course not. That's what women do! If you ever see a guy in a grocery store with a list, wandering around aimlessly...think of me. And feel very, very sorry for him. The last time I went grocery shopping, I was staring at all the tomatoes. There were all sorts. I had to ask the lady next to me if any of the tomatoes I was looking at were plum tomatoes. How can a plum be a tomato? Wouldn't it be a different color? Why else would you call it a plum tomato?! Stands to reason that the tomato would resemble a plum. The lady chuckled at me.
They should teach this shit in school. This is far more valuable a lesson than the other random subjects I didn't bother to pay attention to. Or I guess girls usually learn when they follow their moms around the store and when they cook. Who knows. So, when you say shallots, does that mean the whole bundle or just one of the buds? And yes, I had to call Sandy to find out. I think the whole bundle is called a clove, like clove of garlic. It's all extremely confusing. And seriously, how the fuck is someone supposed to know if an apple is tart?! What is tart even supposed to taste like?! It's not like you can just bite into it at the store. They should have a scratch and sniff label or something, except it's be scratch and lick.
If it wasn't difficult enough, there has to be a dozen different varieties of each item. Do you realize how many different types of apples there are? Mushrooms? Even corn. Freaking corn! Kernel corn. Niblet corn. Cut corn. I spent at least 10 minutes trying to figure out which bag of frozen corn I should grab. On her last list, Sandy asked for dried mushrooms. I figured it was just mushrooms that weren't wet, like not in a can. Cuz it's not wet, therefore it's dry. Nope. Dried mushrooms aren't the ones you see in the produce section. They're actually shriveled up in a jar.
I don't even want to get into seasonings. Why on earth would you need 100+ different kinds of seasonings? Does it really make that much of a difference? On a side note, we were at dinner once, and we sat next to a table of 3 elderly couples. When I say elderly, they looked like they were in their 60's. They looked and dressed like they were high society. Turns out, one of the lady's family owned McCormick. When I passed her the salt, she was like..."Oh this is my family's brand." They only make up like half the ridiculous seasonings market. So I have her to thank for me on my knees staring at the shelves and shelves of spices, looking for "salt free lemon pepper seasoning". It's not bad enough that I hafta try and find lemon pepper seasoning from amongst some thousand lil jars, but I hafta somehow look for the one that doesn't have salt. How bout you just not put extra salt in the dish?
The kicker in all this is that Bermuda grocery stores are nothing like the ones in the states. The selection is just not there, so I end up having to go to multiple stores. There's a main store that every one seems to go to, Lindo's. It's a bit further from our house but definitely has the biggest selection. Even with this list tho, I ended up having to go to three other stores looking for shallots, mushrooms and artichoke. Never did find any artichoke. Sounds gross anyways.
Before we got here, Sandy's boss said you hafta figure out what stores carry and prepare your cooking around that. I think Sandy forgot that piece of advice. That or she just likes to have fun with the house husband. I'm sure she scours her cookbooks, looking for the most obscure ingredients, while imagining me fumbling my way through the grocery store, looking like a complete retard, asking random ppl if they know what pine nuts look like. It's like that guy in There's Something About Mary..."have you seen my couscous?"
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