Lobster Diving

For those of you wondering why Sandy doesn't post anymore, she's boycotting cuz she doesn't think anyone reads her blogs cuz no one comments. Yes, she is very sensitive like that. I think she's emailing her new blog directly to X and Giraffe, whose niceness extends to commenting. If you're gonna take the time to read the blog, would it kill you to spend an extra 10 seconds acknowledging the fact that you read it?

One of the many things I was exciting about when coming here was lobster diving. Sandy would tell me how her boss did it all the time and was really good. He'd catch so many that his family is now sick of lobsters and he just gives them away. How cool is that? Catching your own lobster. So last Sunday, after a month of being on the island, Sandy's boss finally invites me out. Sweet! One problem: my body's starting to grow a rash. Putting on a tight wetsuit is probably not the best thing for a new, developing rash. But I don't want to wait another month or more to lobster dive. If you know me, my skin is like rash city. Whenever I get a rash, it's no joke. We're talking massive creep (Starcraft reference) throughout my entire body. I noticed it Saturday after we got back from the holiday party. My right torso had big red chunks, but it wasn't crazy bad. Not the normal small, red dots. By the time I woke up Sunday tho, it had spread along my side and up to my shoulder. Oh well, whatever. Can't pass up a chance to go lobster diving. It's going to be wicked fun.

Sandy's boss picks me and this other guy up at the dock. I borrow his mask, snorkel, gloves, fins and lobster catcher thing. It's basically a metal stick with rope at the end. You get the rope thru the lobster's tail and pull. Easy enuff. We drive out to this reef he says is money. Aight, we all jump in. I haven't snorkeled in years, especially not when there's waves. I'm freaking swallowing salt water left and right. I start freaking out and flailing my arms like Sandy without a life jacket. Luckily the two other guys are already out doing their thing, so they don't see the side show I got going on over here. Her boss is a seasoned pro and the other guy has gone out 9 times and caught a lobster his first time. Plus he's got all this fancy equipment. I'm a noob who's about to drown. Breathing underwater isn't normal. It just feels weird. Every time I put my head down, the waves basically fill my snorkel with water, I choke on sea water, panic cuz I can't breathe and throw my head up out of the water and fling off my mask. I dunno how I'm able to hold onto my lobster catcher thing through all this. To make matters worse, the strap to one of my fins is broken, so my fin keeps falling off. It takes all my focus just to catch it before it sinks to the bottom of the ocean. So for the first 30 minutes, I'm pretty much just trying not to drown and see if I can get drunk off salt water. Instead of lobster diving, I'm fin diving. Loads of fun. In between trying not to die, I try putting my head underwater so I don't look like the total ass that I am, in case these two guys happen to look up and see my two legs (one with a fin) helplessly kicking around. It's like hide and go seek, snorkel style. Any time I see one of them come to the surface, I immediately put my head down and pretend like I'm doing something productive. I see him come up with a lobster. Sweet. Turns out it was just smaller than requirement. If I knew him better, I woulda just told him to take it.

I'm ecstatic when I see these guys finally get back on the boat. But we just head on to the next reef. Sweet. I finally start to get a hang of the whole breathing with the snorkel thing. Too bad that's not the point of lobster diving. Lobster diving sounds easy enough. You dive down, find a lobster, catch it and eat. Well, if you can't dive down, you really aren't gonna catch any lobster. Each time I try diving, I get about 3 feet before the pressure makes it feels like my head is about to explode. Normally when you're in an airplane or going up an elevator, you just swallow or something. Doesn't quite work for me when I'm underwater. It does absolutely nothing. Not to mention the fact that I can't even dive. It's not like you're jumping from the boat. You're already in the water. Every time I try and dive, my head basically goes underwater and my legs go in the air. I can only imagine how this looks. It's like that mercury chicken thing back in chemistry class. We end up going to 4 or 5 reefs. The whole time I'm just swimming around, trying to act like I'm doing anything but just swimming around. I don't see a single lobster. Don't really know how you can when you're just up on the surface of the water. Sandy's boss catches a big enuff lobster, which I don't even see cuz I'm off in my own world.

So last post, I was talking about how my rash spread after lobster diving. When I got home, it was pretty much all over my thighs. I'm pretty sure it's cuz I peed in my wetsuit when I was out in the water. I tried going back on the boat and letting it out thru my pant leg, but I guess it had already swirled around and did its thing by then. Seriously tho, what do divers do when they hafta pee?! Astronauts do it! So out of the three times I've used my wetsuit, it's kept out water and kept in sweat and urine. I'm assuming that's why they call it a wetsuit. Anyways, so that I'm much more prepared next time I go out, I've bought all this nifty gear online. Cuz, like golf, new and expensive equipment will automatically guarantee positive results.