More awesomeness

My boating skillz are awesome. Pure awesome. I may write a book. So we planned to take some of Sandy's coworkers out on the boat last Saturday. This means I hafta get the boat first, which has been moored. I have Sandy drive me and the kayak out to the marina by our place. I'm sitting in the passenger seat, holding onto the kayak handle for dear life as it's hanging halfway out the back of our Chevy Spark. We get to the marina, and I decide to take a shortcut down the hill to the water instead of walking all the way around to the dock. I kayak out to the boat easily enough. I tie the kayak to the boat, cuz I don't want the kayak to drift away, and undo the mooring. I reach into my pocket for the key to star the boat...except the boat key's sitting back on the kitchen counter AT FUGGIN HOME! Awesome. What good does it do to tie the kayak to the boat if the freakin boat floats away!? At least I'll know where my kayak is if I ever get my boat back. Now I understand why the guy we bought the boat from said to never undo the mooring unless the boat was on. Makes sense...as a couple tons of dead weight starts to drift. So now I'm freaking out cuz I'm on a kayak, trying to hold onto a boat that's about to play pinball with the other hundred boats in the harbor. I try putting the mooring back on the boat, which doesn't exactly work cuz the mooring's so heavy that it fills my kayak up with water. Awesome, now I'm going to drown in a kayak while my boat drifts off to sea. I wonder, if I float to the bottom of the harbor while still holding on to the boat, would that be enough weight to keep the boat still? Lots of thoughts are running through my head, one being the fact that they're gonna confiscate the boat cuz I'm too awesome. By the time I gather my senses, the boat has already drifted 20+ yards from the mooring and awfully close to another boat. What the hell do I do now?! Do I yell at the guy with the boat at the marina to come help me out? Do I just jump off and pretend like it's not my boat? Did Sandy buy enough idiot insurance? I think quick, which isn't quick at all cuz the boat has already drifted 20+ yards! I have no choice but to take off my shirt, jump in the water and try and push the boat back to the mooring. Pushing obviously isn't going to do jack, so I start pulling it. And of course a marina is busy, so there's people on land looking, pointing, and I'm sure laughing. Luckily I worked out during the week cuz I'm able to get the boat back to the mooring. Sandy drops off the keys and all is well. The actual boat ride was pretty nice. Thank gawd her coworkers weren't around to watch me demonstrate my mooring expertise. We saw a shipwreck, fed Doritos to fish and anchored by this lil island beach and drank Sandy's extremely potent black and cokes. And I dropped off our guests and re-moor the boat with no more drama.

However, somewhere along the way that day, I ended up getting a rash. It started out as a lil speck on my chest and proceeded to spread all over my entire body by Sunday night. Awesome. The doctor says it could be poison ivy, which I probably got from that shortcut at the marina. Or it could have been from the nasty chain on the mooring as I was clutching it for dear life. I have a theory on how the rash spread so quickly, but I'll save that gem for another day.