We're moving on the 16th, so the house is full of boxes. No biggie cuz Bermuda is all about the weather and great views. Too bad the one week she decides to come, there's a subtropical storm. It's been cloudy and raining every day since she's been here. Perfect timing, especially since it's been nice every week since June. It doesn't rain all the time tho, only a minute after we venture outside.
One of the big perks of our place is that there's a dock and beach. So you have easy access to the water. Mom's been feeding the fish from the dock every day. Since she enjoys it so much, I kept telling her that she has to snorkel. Every one who visits says the snorkeling right along the dock is amazing. You see tons of fish and it's so easy to get to. If you like the fish so much from land, you're gonna love em up close in the water.
Sandy can't swim but she can snorkel. My mom can swim so she can snorkel. That logic seems to make perfect sense. I guess there's a reason I'm unemployed. So after 3 days of asking, she finally agrees to go snorkeling. I got my mom fitted with all the snorkeling gear: Sandy's wetsuit, boots, fins, mask, snorkel and life vest. Then I give her some basic instructions: snorkel, breathe; mask, look; fins, kick.
I jump in first. It takes my mom over a minute to jump in after me. I know cuz I was filming it. A couple seconds after she jumps in, her head lunges outta the water with a panicked look in her eyes. I notice that her snorkel is not in her mouth. That would explain why she's gasping for air, tho there's really no reason for her arms to be flailing around. Bermuda's waters has the 2nd highest salt concentration in the world, so there's almost no way you could sink. Plus she's got the life vest on. I'm pretty sure I've told her this a couple times already so dunno why she's thrashing about the way she is.
I try telling her to calm down. All you gotta do is breath outta your mouth. It's quite natural. But she won't put the snorkel back in her mouth. Reminded me of when you try feeding a baby and, no matter how hard you try, you just can't get that damn spoon in its mouth. At least we're already in the water so it's easy to clean up all the saliva being spit out. I keep telling her to try again, but she's stubborn. Now I know why waterboarding is such a successful torture technique.
I really should thank her for not trying to drown me in the process of all her flailing tho. Once again, the movies got it all wrong. Maybe it's cuz I made sure to keep my distance. "Now Mom, if you don't calm down I'm not gonna come over there and keep you from drowning."
After a couple minutes of unsuccessful coaxing, I agree to let her live. We get her back on land, and I continue on my merry way to spear some dinner. I'm actually surprised she didn't cry or anything. She really is a tough lady. Guess she has to be to have raised Cam and me by herself. After a while, I look up and see my poor mom kneeling at the edge of the reef with one hand holding on to the side. She's got her snorkel gear on and head in the water. What a champ! We eventually get her back in the water for about a minute before she's had enuff.
Looking back, I guess it woulda made sense to ease her into it. We prolly shoulda started off at the beach and worked our way to deeper waters instead of throwing her straight into the ocean. And I prolly coulda given her a lil more instruction than the simple "Breath out of your mouth and into the snorkel". How am I supposed to know snorkeling is so difficult? All you do is breathe! All I can is say is thank God I didn't take her scuba diving. That would not have ended well at all. And she kept apologizing to me for messing up. It's OK, she's making it up to me by preparing the fish for dinner as we speak. Moms, gotta love em!
