Diarrhea of the mouth

I have a history of saying really stupid shit. I'm not talking about offensive or hurtful remarks, which I've done my fair share of. This is more along the lines of saying things that don't really make sense. In my defense, the only conversations I have on a daily basis are with the dogs, and that's not exactly stimulating dialogue.

So today, after a round of golf, I'm walking back to the scooter. The club manager and his wife are sitting on a bench outside the clubhouse. He asks me how I played. This kinda throws me off cuz I'm not expecting to see anyone, let alone talk to anyone. It was kinda an exciting day cuz I had my first birdie, which I mentioned....except the exact words that came out of my mouth were..."Not bad, my first birdie here at Bermuda." AT?! Why would I say "at" instead of "in"?!

I normally have very good grammar, when I'm not talking anyways. Second thing is, it's a par 3 course! I can only imagine what the club manager thought when I walked away. First, that Asian kid is a retarded FOB. Second, I see that kid here playing this course almost every day this summer, yet he only has one birdie...at a par 3?! 18 holes, let's say 2 times a week for 4 months. That's over 500 chances for a birdie. 1 in 500?! I'm never gonna be able to look at that guy again.

This other time, I was filling up the boat at the marina. Sandy's coworker happens to ride by on a boat. Again, I'm not expecting to see anyone. She asks if I was out wakeboarding. My response..."No, trying to spearfish. No such luck." No such luck!? No such luck with what?! How about you talk like a normal human being and formulate a proper sentence. "No luck spearing any fish."

I should seriously take a second and think about what I'm gonna say before I open my mouth. Then I won't sound retarded anymore...it'll just look like I'm slow and retarded.